Mother’s Day is here. You didn’t forget, did you? Well, if you did, good news! You can still make Mother’s Day 2013 one mom will never, ever forget. No matter how hard she tries.
One thing that’s true, it’s always easier to buy a bad gift than a good one. Getting mom to knit brows instead of sweaters is almost too easy, given the flood of highly questionable products the world of e-commerce has made possible. So, if you’re ready to take the whole irony gig one step too far this year, here are some prime ways to make sure mom shoots daggers at you for the rest of the year.
Don’t just give a not-so-subtle nod to mom’s drinking habit that you’re no doubt implicit in. Make sure she can wear it for all to see, that pinot shining like a bright scarlet A on all occasions.
Mom owns every issue of Ms. Magazine and calls Gloria Steinem her hero. Show her you haven’t forgotten her feminist roots. You don’t need those man pens anymore, mom.
The easiest, cheapest, most direct way to make sure that mom gets judged every single time she rolls into anywhere. Just know that you’re going to get hit with collateral public judgment next time you want mom to take your anywhere.
Don’t just tell mom she’s getting old. Tell her with a little something that will possibly pass as facial torture, while making her look like she just showed up on Elm Street. Hey, that’s three gifts in one. Why is this even on here?
Hey mom, you really need to shave your legs. Except I want you to be in incredible pain when you do that, so here, use this thing that rips all your hair out instead.
The worst part here isn’t that you’re giving mom cleaning supplies, it’s that you couldn’t even be bothered to spring for Windex. It’s like showing up to a party offering a 2-liter of Dr. Thunder.
Bar none, the crowning achievement of passive-aggressive gifting. Now, then, and forever.