Apparently the crack epidemic on the Jersey shore has gone too far for Wildwood lawmakers, who have passed an ordinance banning saggy pants. Anything past 3” from the waist isn’t going to fly with the local police, although there won’t be any department-issued rulers, which is a shame.
The saggy pant ban has been vilified by The Game as overtly racist, and cheered by famed Jersey shore resident Pauly D, who is adamant about his unwillingness to be visually bombarded by unasked-for ass. Which, I think, is an argument most of us can get behind.
Of course, saggy pants have been the recipient of bans in cities and schools across the country. So, today we’ll look at true innovators in the world of fashion police – those that have gone above and beyond the everyday whipping boys, and bigger and better things you never knew were threatening the existence of our fragile society.
Like most parents of the 2000s, the Russian government just didn’t understand emo. So, like a lot of those parents, the government reacted by telling their kids to just cut it out and stop being so sad, already. In 2008, the Russian State Duma introduced legislation to ban the emo style. The whole style – the piercings, the fingernail painting, black and pink, and, crucially, the hair flopped over half the face. The government was concerned about the movement encouraging suicide and depression. Of course, telling a teenager they can’t be who they want to be probably doesn’t help with either of those things. Governments just don’t understand.
The suit and tie ban was partly implemented as a rejection of Western style in Bangladesh in 2009. That’s not without irony – I’m willing to bet there’s more than a few people in the West who would love to see that ban become a little more widespread.
Actually, the main reason the ban on suits, jackets, and neckties was implemented was because of massive power shortages in the country during that year. To cut down on cooling costs, the prime minister at the time, Sheikh Hasina, told male employees to get more comfortable by leaving the stuffy stuff at home and untucking their shirts on the job. The prime minister blasted the idea of trying to ape Western styles, commenting on how remarkably impractical the whole get-up was.
Someone explain to me why we can’t have this ban, again?
Tom Brady’s footwear of choice felt the force of the banhammer at Pottsdam Middle School in Pennsylvania last year. The reason given was that students were sneaking in their cell phones by stuffing them in their boots, but that Quixotic thrust at preventing texting in class surely couldn’t have been the real reason. Kids are industrious enough to find new ways to get the goods in, and administrators must know that (right?)
No, more likely, the administrators sat down for a very important meeting one day, and the principal spoke: Do you see what these kids are wearing now? These things are hideous. First person to make up a reason to ban these god-awful things gets Fridays off for a month and a $20 Olive Garden gift certificate.
The year was 2009, and President Obama was about to make his first trip as president to China. And the Chinese government was worried. Like any host, they wanted to make a good impression, and a few T-shirt sellers were not helping.
The Obamao T-shirt put Obama’s face in the place of Mao’s, using the iconic picture of Mao in his cap and jacket. The T-shirt was, predictably, selling like hotcakes. The Chinese government, in a bold, sweeping effort to smooth relations with the U.S., told the T-shirt merchants they would be shut down if they kept selling Obamao. Which is a shame, because those merchants were making wads of cash, and, let’s be honest – Obama, love him or hate him, has had to endure much, much worse slights than the Obamao T-shirt.
Crocs are possibly the most ban-worthy fashion item in the world today. They are galling. So, we should all be looking to Blekinge hospital in Sweden for inspiration. Back in 2007, the hospital set out to ban Crocs within its doors. The reason, besides the fact that the last thing the sick and injured need to say is a pair of awful plastic shoes, was that Crocs were suspected of generating massive amounts of static electricity – enough to cause electric medical equipment to malfunction.
Crocs – so odious that they’re actively harmful in the workplace. Just another reason for them to drop off the face of the Earth, although the Croc foot tan is all anyone should need for convincing.