The future of sex has arrived, and it will be made to the sensual sounds of two Google Glass eyepieces clacking together feverishly.
As with anything related to the Internet – no, sorry. As with anything, ever, Google Glass has gotten the finest minds thinking about potential sex applications. We now have a winner – Glance. The core function of Glance is to let you see what your partner is seeing while you’re going to town on each other. So, get ready for a lot of stunning, high-res close-ups of patches of skin. You might even be able to see individual pores in detail! Alternatively, you could also catch your partner out watching television instead of paying attention during sex.
Oh, right, this is supposed to be sensual. I guess using Google Glass to look at your own face while you’re having sex is sensual, in the kind of way that looking in a mirror is sensual. Nothing better to help you get off than looking at yourself.
It gets better from there. To kick things off, someone says ‘OK Glass, it’s time.’ I’m not sure if both people need to say it to activate their respective Glasses, or what. Anyway, that’ll kick off the stream coming from your partner’s Glass, which you can watch. Maybe remember to pay attention to the task at hand, though. To stop the show, someone needs to say ‘OK Glass, pull out,’ which made me convulse with laughter for a good minute after reading. If the mood has somehow survived the clacking, ‘OK Glass, pull out’ will surely be the death knell of intimate aspirations.
Glance is really just a whole bottle’s worth of window dressing, of course. Using Glass to see another person’s perspective was one of the first bits of functionality developed for Glass, with applications for managers wanting to get a look at on-site goings-on without getting out of their manager chair, or for search-and-rescue missions. Glance has just taken the idea and dolled it up in sexy, greyscale attire, and thrown on a few bonus tracks at the end – the ability to turn lights off in the room if you have smart bulbs, put on Careless Whisper (or another song, but why?), or look up new sex positions (‘OK Glass, give me ideas’).
On the privacy front, Glance says that you have the choice to save a copy of the video, but that the stream is deleted by default. Saving would be done locally, so it sounds like this won’t be the center of the hot privacy scandal of 2014. But, never say never.
Funny enough, Glance is slated to be released as a Glass companion app for iOS soon, with no mention of Android. I guess that’s appropriate, though – this is what sweet lovemaking between Apple and Google would look like, wouldn’t it?