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South Korean Woman Mercilessly Attacked by Her Robot Vacuum

Bill Gates warned us, man. The machines are rising. Better enjoy the next decade of outrageous convenience before we start getting suffocated by our self-driving cars and driven out of our homes by sentient thermostats. But, most worrisome of all is the harbinger of robot hostility — the groundbreaking machine unafraid to shatter Asimov’s first law of robotics.

The robot vacuum.

In a segment that could only be properly done on local news, we have the story of a woman in South Korea mercilessly attacked by her robot vacuum. The insidious machine was even intelligent enough to wait until the poor woman was at her most vulnerable — napping peacefully, unaware of her robot’s machinations. The vacuum saw its chance, and went at the woman in a fury, sucking up her hair and totally messing up her day. The first messed up day of many for our kind, I fear.

Heroic first responders were able to save the woman, successfully removing her hair from the vacuum’s brush. Humanity has won the first battle, but the war is far from over.

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