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Hello Kitty is Running for President

Finally, in the eleventh hour, a candidate we can get behind. Not content to win just one election this year, Hello Kitty is announcing her candidacy for president (she’s old enough!) as the Friendship Party candidate — top that, Peace and Freedom Party!

Sanrio is putting forth the cutest of all Manchurian candidates (day one abolition of sales tax on all merch), with Hello Kitty working to get her name on the ballot alongside running mate Chococat — I’ve heard Gudetama was the first choice, but he never got the paperwork done.

Like any good candidate, Hello Kitty is getting right to work on her ground game. She’s already got a lot of campaign infrastructure in place, too! The campaign bus (the Hello Kitty Cafe Truck) will go on tour next month, making stops every Saturday until election day. Starting on October 1, she’ll appear in Atlanta, followed by Tampa Bay, Boca Raton, Miami, and Orlando before wrapping up her tour on November 5 in Houston. That’s four stops in the battleground state of Florida — I see you, Hello Kitty.

Meanwhile, the candidate herself will be making appearances at Friendship Party Headquarters, better known as Sanrio stores. She’ll be in Queens on October 2 before heading to Sunrise, Florida on October 15. She’ll wrap up with a two-day California trip, making appearances at stores in Arcadia and Costa Mesa on October 22 and 23. While she’s around, she’ll be available for photo ops (master politician). For their part, Sanrio stores will be stocked with official campaign merch, which includes several campaign T-shirts, a set of four buttons, a tote bag, a can koozie, and a trucker hat. Clearly, she’s trying to appeal to all demographics. Bumper stickers will be given out for free with all purchases, so you can replace the Giant Meteor sticker you’re using now. Spending $40 will get you a presidential rosette with Hello Kitty and Chococat.

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Meanwhile, the cafe truck will have a limited edition President Hello Kitty cookie available, with 50 being sold at each stop. The cookies will also be at the pop-up container cafe in Irvine. All of the above will also have free bumper stickers to give out with purchases, too, so make sure to pick one up — we’ve only got a little over a month to spread the word. If we’re really diligent, maybe we can even get Hello Kitty into one of these debates so it can actually be watchable.

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