It’s February — a wild romantic holiday is about to appear! Valentine’s Day is fast approaching, and if you, like many people of a certain age, met your significant other while playing Pokémon Go, you need a way to properly celebrate your love. Fortunately, the holiday has spawned a shadow greeting card industry boasting wordplay so corny, so goofy, and so good that Hallmark should honestly be sweating. You’ll see what we mean.
Starting off with a classic — you just can’t go wrong with the four starters that first captured our hearts!
You don’t need to evolve for anyone!
Implicit: never change.
Reminder: we live in a time when not only do Pokémon pick-up lines exist, they actually have a good chance of working. What a time to be alive!
Awww. And also, yeah, you’d better not be trying to catch ’em all!
The more knowledge these cards require of Pokémon, the better they get.
Honestly, this was the least gross Rhydon idea. It just gets (way) more explicit from here.
If getting Jiggly with it means singing and then going to sleep, that sounds like a perfectly fine Valentine’s Day, too.
Simple and effective. Super effective.
No pressure or anything.
If you put up with that kind of snoring, you deserve a lot more in return than just another Valentine’s Day card.
Just the cutest.
For full effect, make sure you run away right after giving your SO this card.
Maybe uncomfortably warm, but that’s neither here nor there.
Trubbish is a deep cut, and we love it.
This one brought the biggest, dumbest smile to my face. It really is the best.