Yesterday, we went into all the details of the Michelle Carter case and the fact that she is being let out early for her behavior.
Michelle gets out on January 23rd; so she will be ultimately serving less than a year of her fifteen-month sentence. Not all prison facilities offer the option for inmates to get out earlier for their exemplary behavior, but where Michelle is incarcerated is one that does allow this.
Today, I think it’s important that we take a look at the texts Michelle Carter sent to her boyfriend on the day that he took his life. Why on earth am I posting something so absolutely awful? Because it’s important.
Words have power. Everything you say can impact someone else, regardless of whether you speak it in person, type it in an email, or send it in a text. I hope you never use your words in the way Michelle chose to.
Please prepare yourself before reading further, because these texts are graphic. They are heartbreaking. They talk about suicide. They have been edited for spelling and grammar and there is a link below so you can see them unedited.
VSCO; Michelle is pictured above in a black and white photo
Michelle: Conrad! Hey, you there?
Conrad: Hey sorry I fell asleep.
Michelle: It’s okay, why haven’t you done it yet though?
Conrad: I’m too messed up to.
Michelle: What are you talking about?
Conrad: My head.
Michelle: You can’t think about it. You just have to do it? You said you were gonna do it like I don’t get why you aren’t.
Conrad: I don’t get it either. IDK.
Michelle: So I guess you aren’t gonna do it then, all that for nothing. I’m just confused like you were so ready and determined.
Conrad: I am gonna eventfully. I really don’t know what I’m waiting for…but I have everything lined up.
Facebook; pictured above Conrad smiles while wearing a life jacket
Michelle: No you’re not Conrad. Last night was it. You keep pushing it off and you say you’ll do it but you never do. Its always gonna be that way if you don’t take action. You’re just making it harder on yourself by pushing it off, you just have to do it. Do you wanna do it now?
Conrad: Is it too late? IDK it’s already light outside. I’m gonna go back to sleep. Love you. I’ll text you tomorrow.
Michelle: No? It’s probably the best time now because everyone’s sleeping. Just go somewhere in your truck. And no one’s really out right now because it’s an awkward time. If you don’t do it now you’re never gonna do it. And you can say you’ll do it tomorrow but you probably won’t tonight. Love you.
Conrad: Thank you 🙂
Michelle: For what? Are you awake?
Michelle: Are you gonna do it today?
Michelle: Like in the daytime?
Conrad: Should I?
Michelle: Yeah. It’s less suspicious, you won’t think about it as much, and you’ll get it over with instead of waiting until the night.
Conrad: Yeah then I will. Like where like I could go in any enclosed area?
Michelle: Go in your truck and drive in a parking lot somewhere, to a park or something. Do it now like early.
Conrad: Didn’t we say this was suspicious?
Michelle: No I think night is more suspicious. A kid sitting in his car. Just turn on the radio and do it. It won’t be suspicious, and it won’t take long.
Conrad: Alright, I’m taking Holly for a walk.
Conrad: IDK why I’m like this.
Michelle: Sometimes things happen and we never have the answers why.
Conrad: Like why am I so hesitant lately? Like 2 weeks ago I was willing to try everything. And now I’m worse. Really bad. And I’m lol not falling through. It’s eating me inside.
Michelle: You’re so hesitant because you keep overthinking it and pushing it off. You just need to do it Conrad. The more you push it off, the more it will eat at you. You’re ready and prepared. All you have to do is turn the generator on and you will be free and happy. No more pushing it off, no more waiting.
Conrad: You’re right.
Michelle: If you want it as bad as you say you do, it’s time to do it today.
Conrad: Yup, no more waiting.
Michelle: Okay, I’m serious. Like you can’t even wait until tonight. You have to do it when you get back from your walk.
Conrad: Thank you.
Michelle: For what?
Conrad: Still being here.
Michelle: I would never leave you. You’re the love of my life. My boyfriend. You’re my heart. I’d never leave you.
Conrad: Awww 🙂
Michelle: 🙂 I love you.
Conrad: Love you too 😀
Michelle: When will you be back from your walk?
Conrad: Like 5 minutes.
Michelle: Okay so are you gonna do it?
Conrad: I guess.
Michelle: Well I want you to be ready and sure.
Michelle: What’s that mean haha.
Conrad: IDK I’m freaking out again. I’m overthinking.
Michelle: I thought you wanted to do this. The time is right and you’re ready, you just need to do it! You can’t keep living this way. You just need to do it like you did last time and not think about it and just do it, babe. You can’t keep doing this every day.
Boston 25 News; pictured above is a screenshot of some of the original texts
Conrad: I do want to. But like I’m freaking out for my family. I guess IDK.
Michelle: Conrad. I told you I’ll take care of them. Everyone will take care of them to make sure they won’t be alone and people will help them get through it. We talked about this. They will be okay and accept it. People who commit suicide don’t think this much and they just do it.
Conrad: I know I know lol. Thinking just drives me more crazy.
Michelle: Exactly. You just need to do it Conrad or I’m gonna get you help. You can’t keep doing this every day.
Conrad: Okay I’m gonna do it today.
Michelle: Do you promise?
Conrad: I promise babe I have to now.
Michelle: Like right now?
Conrad: Where do I go? 🙁
Michelle: And you can’t break a promise. And just go in a quiet parking lot or something.
Michelle: Go somewhere you know you won’t get caught. You can find a place I know you can. Are you doing it now?
Conrad: Still have no clue.
Michelle: Not finding a place to go isn’t an excuse…
Conrad: I know where to go.
Conrad: A park and ride.
Conrad: That’s what it’s called. It’s like a parking lot.
Michelle: Ohhhh okay gotcha. Are you going now?
Conrad: Either that or go to the beach.
Michelle: Why would you go to the beach?
Conrad: Well that’s where my mom’s going.
Michelle: I thought you were just gonna do it.
Conrad: My mom’s making me go. When I get home I’m gonna do it.
Michelle: Okay, promise? I’m going kayaking anyways.
Conrad: Haha you love kayaking.
Michelle: Yup 🙂 Something I wish we could have done 🙁
Conrad: Make sure you take your son kayaking 🙂
Michelle: Haha, of course, I will 🙂
Conrad: Good what’s up?
Michelle: Kayaking, haha.
Michelle: Yup, but I’m done now.
Conrad: I love you. So much.
Michelle: I love you forever.
Conrad: I’m in the worst pain right now. Like it’s unbearable.
Michelle: I think it’s time to do it now then. Do you agree, Conrad? Please answer me.
Conrad: I’m still at the beach.
Michelle: Oh okay. Sorry. Let me know when you’re leaving.
Conrad: Okay I’m determined.
Michelle: I’m happy to hear that.
Conrad: I’m ready.
Michelle: Good because it’s time babe. You know that. When you get back from the beach, you gotta do it. You’re ready, you’re determined. Its the best time.
Conrad: Okay I will.
Michelle: Are you back?
Conrad: No more thinking.
Michelle: Yes, no more thinking. You need to just do it. No more waiting.
Conrad: On way back. I know where to go now.
Conrad: A parking lot. There’s gonna be no cars there at 9. So that’s when I’ll be found.
Michelle: Okay perfect. When will you be home?
Conrad: 10 minutes. Haha, that’s perfect?
Michelle: Okay, and well yeah, IDK.
Conrad: Like I don’t wanna kill anyone else with me.
Michelle: You won’t?
Conrad: When they open the door? They won’t know it’s odorless and colorless.
Michelle: You’re overthinking. They will see the generator and realize you breathed in CO.
Conrad: So should I keep it in the back seat? Or front?
Michelle: In front. You could write on a piece of paper and tape it on saying “carbon monoxide” or something if you’re scared.
Conrad: I was thinking that. But someone might see it before it actually happens.
Michelle: Well wait, the generator is gonna be on because you’ll be passed out so they’ll know you used carbon poisoning. Dead.
Conrad: It’s not loud, is it?
Michelle: Not really. LMAO.
Conrad: Okay good.
Michelle: Are you gonna do it now?
Conrad: I’m home.
Conrad: IDK I’m stressing.
Michelle: You’re fine, it’s gonna be okay. You just gotta do it, babe, you can’t think about it.
Conrad: Okay. Okay, I got this.
Michelle: Yes you do, I believe in you. Did you delete the messages?
Conrad: Yes, but you’re gonna keep messaging me?
Michelle: I will until you turn on the generator.
Conrad: Okay, well I’m bringing my sisters for ice cream.
Michelle: So will you do it when u get back?
Conrad: Yup I’ll go right there.
Conrad: Love you.
Michelle: I love you so much.
Conrad: Haha what are you doing?
Michelle: Nothing really, just resting.
Conrad: Okay, haha, I’m procrastinating.
Michelle: Yeah, haha, I know…are you back?
Michelle: So it’s time.
Conrad: Oh it’s been time.
Michelle: Are you gonna do it now?
Conrad: I just don’t know how to leave them, you know?
Michelle: Say you’re going to the store or something.
Conrad: Like, I want them to know I love them.
Michelle: They know. That’s one thing they definitely know. You’re overthinking.
Conrad: I know I’m overthinking. I’ve been overthinking for awhile how.
Michelle: I know. You just have to do it. Like you said.
Michelle: Are you gonna do it now?
Conrad: I haven’t left yet, haha.
Conrad: Leaving now.
Michelle: Okay. You can do this.
Conrad: Okay. I’m almost there.
Michelle: Okay. Please answer me. I’m scared. Are you okay? I love you please answer. You’re at your dad’s…Camdyn told me. I’ll get you help soon. I guess I thought you actually did it.
These texts have been transcribed from what Boston 25 News originally reported on the evidence from the case.
If you are struggling with suicide, please reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255).
You can also reach out to the Samaritans Statewide Hotline 877-870-HOPE (4673) via a phone call or text message.
If you or someone you know is at risk immediately, please call 911.