“During her stay, she got triggered by something when we were in public…”
“…She and I went to a clothes shop and my parents were in a cafe nearby – some guy accidentally grabbed her by her shoulder as he thought she was his daughter, and he apologized immediately…and (she) started screaming.”
“I was the only person there, and I tried to calm her down but she ran off.”
“She was found (shaken, but safe) an hour later. I then got grounded as I had failed in being responsible for my ‘sister.’”
“I said I didn’t have a sister. My parents were angry about this and said that how dare I be rude about her, don’t I know how much she’s been through.”
“She’s had other outbursts, but none so huge in public. She can be cold and untrusting and was very clingy to my parents.”
“I do admire her, and think she’s very brave – but I don’t want to live with her.”
“My parents call Jess often. I often say hi, and try to be civil and supportive. But it seems like the only thing my parents can talk about is Jess, and how brave she is, and she isn’t even here yet.”
“We live in a 3 bedroom house, and my parents promised to move to a bigger one later this year.”
“Recently, my parents broke the news to me that Jess will move into my room, and I can pick whether I want to share a room with bro, or Jess.”
“I don’t want to share with either.”
“My brother is messy, loud and is your average 9yo boy and Jess has night terrors and screams the house down, and it’s enough having to open my house to her, but I value my privacy a lot and don’t want her in my room, which is like my special place.”
“I was crushed. I asked if we were still moving, and my parents were like, ‘We like this place and have no solid plan.’”
“I freaked out and was like, ‘You guys are forgetting you have another daughter and are too excited about the shiny new one to remember that the one you have has feelings and boundaries, and if you’re changing everything I’ve ever known, at least I deserve to be listened to. If this is how life’s going to be, I don’t want to have a sister.’”
“Good to note: my room is big enough to have a wall put in, and my parents considered it a few years back.”
“I would be happy with that. They refuse, even though we can easily afford it because it is ‘too much effort.’”
“My parents are offended that I’m ‘not being welcoming’ towards my ‘sister’, and I’m offended that the life I knew is going to be turned upside down, and I’m not going to have the thing I value most, my privacy.”
The internet was very sympathetic to her situation, and here’s the advice they gave her.
“I bet your parents think that taking in Jess is such a kind thing to do, they can’t possibly be wrong and everyone needs to just get on board. However, you are a person and your feelings also matter. They are being really heavy-handed and not making any effort to make you comfortable.”
“Can you ask them to attend family counseling before Jess arrives? If they refuse, do you have access to a social worker or someone as part of this process that you could talk to? Hearing from an independent professional that they need to consider your feelings might help them understand.”
“A lot of people will get so stuck on doing something “kind,” that they end up being unkind and inconveniencing everyone else as a result. I’m actually surprised that family counseling is not included with adoption. It’s desperately needed here.”
“To be honest I am surprised that providing a child with their own room/space isn’t a prerequisite for adoption, especially when said child/children are teenagers. I wouldn’t want to share my private space with a stranger, so I don’t know why parents would expect their children/teenagers to be okay with it. I wonder how the parents would feel if they were told that Joe blow down the road was moving in and they would have to share a room with them, and the had no say/choice in the matter. I would imagine that they would feel quite differently if the tables were turned.”
“Not to mention how inappropriate it is to ask a 15 year old girl to be the sole responsible party for a 13 year old with mental health struggles when they went out in public! She should not have been in trouble for failing to he responsible for her sister – as a child herself, she hardly has the tools to manage this.”
She then shared in an update, “this blew up… enough to reach jess.”
“She called me and we had a good heart to heart. she was unaware of the situation and felt really uncomfortable about it.”
“We had a family meeting via skype to explain to my parents why this was a bad idea, and showed them some of the comments in this thread.”
“They apologized and they said they would try to improve their behavior. We asked to put up a wall, and they agreed.”
“My father is currently watching a video on how to do it lol. Jess also says hi to everyone – and thanks you for looking out for her.”
You can read the rest of what the internet had to say to her here.
Bre is a female millennial go getter residing in New York. One part entrepreneur, one part geek, she obtained her degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology.
She has held some exciting roles in both fashion as a designer working for brands like Victoria’s Secret and Henri Bendel, as well as in ad tech working for publishers like Ziff Davis.
Today she operates Chip Chick Media which reaches millions of women each month.
Bre is passionate about teaching women how to build a business and be an entrepreneur, in addition to keeping her readers informed of the latest technology trends and exciting products to improve their lifestyles.
You can send Bre a message here.