“She is very well educated and intelligent but refuses to do anything with her time. This is a struggle for us financially, but she’s made it clear to me that she does not care at all, as I’ve asked her many times to get a job, even if it’s just part-time.”
“Her refusal to do so feels like such a slap in the face, as I work well over 40 hours a week to cover our rent, living expenses, and debts while she sits in bed, doing nothing.”
“My impression is that she’s struggling with depression, which I’ve gently tried to bring up a number of times.”
Victor Hughes via Unsplash
“However, she becomes very defensive when I do. I’ve asked many, many times over the years if she would consider seeing a therapist or a psychiatrist, but she refuses.”
“I’ve also tried to get her out of bed to go outside, which sometimes works, but I have to beg and plead and it’s stressful and weird.”
“I have tried endlessly to help her, and to help her help herself, but she won’t change or make any effort to change her behavior or life.”
“I’m about ready to give up which breaks my heart, but I don’t know what else to do. This is so dysfunctional and honestly feels entirely unfair. Any advice or thoughts would really be appreciated.”
Here’s what the internet had to say.
“Do not light yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. If she won’t make any effort to getting help or contributing to the household, then let her understand that her actions (or inactions) have consequences.”
“Bro sounds like you’re an enabler. You working to cover her bills and rent is just letting her live this lifestyle. You have to put your foot down or let her go because she can’t go on like this.”
“You need to leave this situation immediately. She is stealing your life. We only have one.”
“You sound like a great guy, and unfortunately you can’t force your girlfriend to get treatment or really do anything. But you can stop enabling her, and that’s what really really needs to happen. She will NEVER get better if you continue to support her wallowing in her depression. You need to kick her out or you need to move out and leave her to her own devices. I know from experience the only thing that will get through her head is a good hard dose of reality.”
“I think dumping her and leaving her to fend for herself will be the reality check she needs. She’s been enabled her entire life to be this way, and her continuing to have all of these things done for her won’t help.”
“You need to break up with her. Don’t even give her a reason, per se. “I am breaking up with you. I don’t see our lives continuing on the same trajectory. When can you be packed and out of the apartment?” That’s the message. This isn’t a negotiation or an appeal. It is a declarative statement.”
You can read the rest of what the internet had to say to him here.
Bre is a female millennial go getter residing in New York. One part entrepreneur, one part geek, she obtained her degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology.
She has held some exciting roles in both fashion as a designer working for brands like Victoria’s Secret and Henri Bendel, as well as in ad tech working for publishers like Ziff Davis.
Today she operates Chip Chick Media which reaches millions of women each month.
Bre is passionate about teaching women how to build a business and be an entrepreneur, in addition to keeping her readers informed of the latest technology trends and exciting products to improve their lifestyles.
You can send Bre a message here.