“Once I felt that it was possible to silence things out for a second and numb your pain, it was over,” she continued.
Noah’s struggle with Xanax paralleled a rise of benzo usage in pop culture and Hollywood. Other ultra-famous artists such as Justin Bieber, Lil Xan, and Chance the Rapper have also opened up about their experiences using the prescription drug.
And she believes that the easy accessibility is what contributed to her downfall.
“I was surrounded by people who were easily able to get it by buying it from people,” Noah explained. Soon, what began as a recreational habit turned into a daily necessity.
“It just kind of becomes this dark, bottomless pit,” she said.
From 2018 on, Noah’s substance abuse problem continued to progress. And once the pandemic hit, she described reaching rock bottom.
Her grandma, Loretta, passed away in August of 2020, and Noah still regrets being mentally absent during her final days.
“I felt so guilty for not being there when my grandma died. I was there physically. But, emotionally, I was not there. I couldn’t be,” Noah said.
Although, her grandmother’s death also represented a significant turning point in Noah’s addiction. Not only did she feel remorse about drifting from her grandma, but Noah also realized she was pushing away her mother, Tish.
“That was my big eye-opener: I was sitting alone, I was scared, and I realized that all the people I love and all the people that I need– I was the one pushing them away,” she reflected.
Afterward, Noah began her recovery journey. She decided not to open up about the first few months of the recovery process but shared that she “was being helped by everybody she needed help from.”