Chip Chick
Maybe you developed an anxious attachment style because your parents did not appropriately nurture you. Perhaps an ex was unfaithful. Maybe in the past, your current partner was unfaithful.
No matter the reason for the lack of trust and insecurity, the desire to loyalty test your partner stems from insecurity. Furthermore, a loyalty test won’t get to the root of the problem. It’s just a bandaid.
#2: Loyalty tests can backfire.
Let’s say you go through with a loyalty test. There are three possible outcomes:
-First, you do the loyalty test, and they fail. You break up with them.
-You do the loyalty test, and they pass. You feel better for a while, but those feelings of insecurity pop up again eventually.
-You do the loyalty test, and they pass, but they feel manipulated that you would do that to them, and they leave you.
Now, you tell me what good loyalty tests are when these are the outcomes. There is no scenario where there is a good outcome. It is SUPER RARE that a loyalty test solves the insecurity and doesn’t end in your partner feeling embarrassed and manipulated. I’m not saying it can’t happen that way, but it is doubtful and not worth the risk.
What should you do instead of a loyalty test?
DO NOT go behind your partner’s back to test their loyalty. If there is a reason, you want to test their loyalty, open up and talk about those feelings. Talk with your partner about why you are struggling with insecurity and trust. If they are doing something to contribute to those feelings, they deserve to know and have the chance to meet your needs before you resort to manipulative tactics like a loyalty test.
If you struggle to communicate effectively with your partner, seek therapy or find a relationship coach to help you build those skills and deal with those feelings.
