Katharina Buczek
It is extremely sad– I know. But human nature is to seek out the maximum reward for the tiniest amount of effort. So, if you are consistently giving your all while your partner sits back, relaxes, and knows you are not going anywhere, then there is no incentive to change.
Aside from leaving altogether, another way to deal with an imbalanced relationship is to work on growing the depth of your connection.
Do you feel like you and your partner are kind of “surface level?” Do you feel like your partner never really opens up or invites you into his heart? In other words, is your partner really themselves around you, or do they still have their guard up?
If you have not established a deep enough connection yet– getting to know each other as no one else does– then you can work on that. The important thing to remember, though, is that only individuals can change themselves.
So, focus on dropping your own guard and opening up in a deep way. Work on connecting with your partner, starting with your own experiences, and perhaps this will make the process less scary for your partner and encourage them to do the same.
Another, and much more obvious way, to balance a lopsided relationship is by just being honest. Too often, women are terrified to speak up and lay their needs out on the table because they are afraid of seeming clingy or needy.
However, let’s clear up that major misconception. If you accept what you don’t want in fear of starting conflict or rocking the boat, then you are being needy without even realizing it. You have (falsely) internalized a feeling that you need your partner and their validation– no matter how they treat you.
Instead of falling down that rabbit hole, try being upfront and just telling your partner what you want. Remember to keep your cool, remain confident, and refrain from playing the blame game, but don’t be afraid to rip the bandaid off and set your expectations in stone.
Finally, one of the most effective ways to start evening the playing field in your relationship is by pulling back. If you are constantly the one calling, texting, or making plans, simply lay off the gas a bit and wait for your partner to come to you.
Yes, this can be a painstaking process that requires a lot of patience and self-restraint. But the results are priceless.
Either your partner will realize what is happening and recognize that he needs to step it up to make some changes. Or, your partner’s lack of effort will continue– resulting in a drifting relationship.
