Stop Searching For Happiness Because You Will Inevitably End Up Disappointed: Instead, Strive To Find Peace With Balance And Step Outside Your Comfort Zones
The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer, Katharina Buczek.
We all want to achieve happiness. But, the search for such an emotion will inevitably be a fruitless endeavor.
Wouldn’t it be nice if we could live in complete stability, always feeling happy? I think so, and you probably do, too.
The truth is, though, that no matter how many self-help books or podcasts you listen to– and regardless of how many therapy sessions or support groups you attend– this will never, ever happen.
I realize this may sound depressing, but it is just a fact of life. Nothing in the world is entirely constant, unrelenting, and permanent– relationships, jobs, interests, or even home addresses. And this includes happiness.
You may remember learning about sine waves way back when in middle school or high school algebra. If not, let me refresh your memory.
When graphed on a calculator, this trigonometric function looks like a never-ending wave that oscillates up and down. It continues on forever in a cyclical up-down movement as it spans the horizontal plane– or X-axis.
This sine wave is a perfect symbolic representation of life. Sure, the cycle may not always be so “perfect” for every individual.
Some people may have “low” valleys that are more spread apart; meanwhile, others might suffer back-to-back tragedies before encountering a “high” peak that lasts for a great amount of time.
nikkimeel – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
Regardless, the overall concept is true for everyone– life will always be a series of low and high points. And it is the balance of the maximums and minimums that equal out to result in our lived challenges, triumphs, and emerging mental state.
And because of this balance, it is impossible to achieve constant, unwavering happiness. It’s simply unrealistic since mistakes, failures, and disappointments are inevitable in life.
While this may seem all doom and gloom, though, it is actually a very good thing. If we as humans only ever experienced the “good,” we would become desensitized, expectant, complacent, and bored.
The mere fact that we struggle– experiencing loss, tragedy, obstacles, and heartbreak– is what allows us to truly feel and appreciate happiness, or the “high points,” when they occur.
With all of this being said, this very balance of life– the “yin and yang” of our existence, if you will– is why we have to stop searching for happiness.
In the pursuit of “happiness,” people often box themselves into a corner. They daydream, wonder, and fantasize about the wonderful feeling but are inevitably disappointed because nothing has actually changed in their life.
They may sit at their desk at work, daydreaming and resenting their current situation. Or, they might sit out on their front porch, staring out at the neighborhood and wishing that happiness would strike them like a lightning bolt.
If you have been guilty of this in the past, you likely just wound up disappointed. Happiness is not a wish that can be granted without any action or even a guaranteed feeling when situations– like employment, housing, or relationships– change.
So, if you are really interested in living a happier life, you have to stop actively searching for happiness. Instead, start asking yourself, “What can I do to be the happiest version of myself?”
At the end of the day, we are usually our own worst critics. But we can also be our own biggest motivators, cheerleaders, and catalysts.
Take a good, hard look at your life. Forget the things you cannot change and focus on the things you can.
If you feel like more socialization might make you happier, go out with friends more or join a coworking space.
If you have a hunch that traveling might bring you joy, take a road trip or even just visit a new local city over the weekend.
We always think we have all the answers. So, you probably believe you know exactly what would make you a much happier person.
But, quite frankly, I think that you will surprise yourself. You may add a new habit to your life– like reading every evening or trying out baking– that you were sure would bring you joy.
However, you might just find out that some books are a drag and that baking involves more math than you previously realized.
Yet again, though, this is the sine wave of life– the balance of our efforts evening out.
So, on the flip side, you may open yourself up to a new experience and find that it is way more exhilarating, inspiring, or exciting than you ever imagined in the past.
This can be the most wonderful feeling– when sheer surprise and happiness hits you out of nowhere.
That’s why the search for “happiness” is truly a search for peace. It is striving to be accepting of and content with the fact that life has its inevitable ups and its downs which will sometimes rock your world or make you feel on top of the universe.
Learning to find peace with this reality– and understanding how our own individual “sine waves” help us feel truly positive emotions to the fullest– will allow you to find the beauty in all areas of your life.
At the same time, you can stop putting so much pressure on the idea of constant “happiness” and instead work on becoming the best version of yourself.
Whenever you can, make the decision to try new things, meet new people, step outside your comfort zone and venture into the unknown.
You may not enjoy some things, and you may love other things. But the only way to find out is by trying. And eventually, you will experience something that genuinely surprises you and ignites you with joy.
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