Now, some of the ways you choose to “prove” your superiority may not come naturally to you. Or, they just might not be who you truly are as a person. For instance, going out of your way to dress to the nines or complete acts of service anytime you can.
So, since the need to complete these behaviors is primarily driven by this (fake) competition, you may start to resent your partner’s ex. And as time goes on, this resentment will only mount into hatred.
The third and final reason you might hate your ex is if you just feel jealous.
Jealousy is a common feeling, especially when you do not feel secure in your relationships. So, take a moment to reflect and ask yourself what your partner is doing– or not doing– to make you feel stable and steady.
If you realize that your partner is not really making you feel secure as a couple, you might just be falsely projecting your feelings of jealousy onto your partner’s ex rather than addressing your own partner’s behaviors and triggering actions.
And over time, this lack of security will only fuel more distrust, jealousy, and, ultimately, hatred.
How To Quit Letting The Hate Ruin Your Relationship
If you allow your hatred of your partner’s ex to continue, it can spiral out of control– taking up space in your own relationship and damaging your connection with your partner.
So, to put a stop to these harmful and unnecessary feelings, you have to practice some self-awareness. First, recognize that the less you know about a person, the easier it is to make assumptions and judgments and create some image or idea of them that is likely false.
Second, whenever you recognize yourself feeling the hatred bubbling up, take a moment to stop and ask yourself a few questions. For instance, “What is triggering these feelings?” “Are they logical?” and “Am I creating an idea of my partner’s ex that is false?”
You can then openly communicate your feelings with your partner to gain their support. This can also be an excellent way to set boundaries with your partner to make sure their ex is left in the past.