Chip Chick
Skill #2: Active Listening
This skill requires you to do a little bit more than hear your partner and respond. This skill requires you to listen and absorb the message your partner is trying to convey.
When you actively listen, you mirror or paraphrase what you heard your partner say back to them, so they can either correct you or acknowledge you heard them correctly. This style of listening and responding shows your partner you are paying attention and truly taking in what they say.
Active listening makes hard conversations and conflicts easier to resolve by mitigating the number of misunderstandings that can occur.
Furthermore, active listening typically elicits a validating statement for a response. This means when you respond to your partner, you can show them you heard them correctly and understand where they are coming from, even if you have a different perspective.
This skill is a must-have for all couples. It will make communication easier and improve overall relationship satisfaction.
Skill #3: Validation Amidst Conflict
Conflict is a normal part of any relationship. This is simply because each of you is an individual with different morals, values, beliefs, and perspectives on things.
Conflict can be a sign that something needs to change in the relationship. On the other hand, conflict can also be a sign that you both still care enough about the relationship to have conflicts. What matters here is not the conflict itself but how you handle conflict.
Do you yell and scream at each other? Do you play the blame game? Do you attempt to gaslight each other into seeing your side of the story over theirs? None of these are healthy.
Instead, use feeling statements such as “I feel like” or “I would like it if” instead of statements like “you need to stop ___.” Avoid any blaming or belittling language. Use validating statements during the conflict, such as, “I never thought to look at it that way. Can you tell me more about why you look at it this way?”
