She Won’t Say “Please” Whenever Asking Her Roommate For A Favor Even Though Her Roommate Thinks It’s Rude Not To
In August 2022, this 23-year-old woman moved into an apartment with her friend Jessica, who is also 23.
But, now that their lease will be ending soon, at the end of this summer, she is actually considering not renewing their lease for one main reason.
For context, she tends to ask her roommate Jessica for a few small favors throughout the week. The favors are nothing huge, and they definitely don’t occur every day.
Instead, they are often things like, “Can you grab my bag off the table?” or “Can you turn off the outside light?” Sometimes she will also ask Jessica to load the dishwasher or grab her a fork during meals.
Rather than just saying yes or no, though, her roommate always responds with the same statement.
“Only if you say please,” Jessica tells her.
Now, at first, she did listen to her roommate for a few months and say, “Please.” But, after a while, she decided to speak up and tell Jessica how she did not think it was necessary to say please for every request.
Instead, she thought the “please” was implied. She also pointed out how the requests she makes are never anything significant that warranted the word “please.”
However, Jessica pushed back that “please” could not just be implied. So, her roommate told her that she needed to say it every time she asked for something.
Drobot Dean – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
She still did not agree with her roommate’s perspective, though, which pushed her to lay down a different rule.
“I finally told her that if what I was asking her to do as a favor was so out of line for me to ask that I needed to say please, and she wouldn’t do it under any other circumstances, I would literally just do it myself,” she recalled.
After all, she only ever really asked for small things that she could do by herself. So, the only reason she ever asked Jessica was if her roommate was closer or already doing something similar. Anyway, Jessica has since continued to not do anything for her unless she uses a “formal please.” And to her, it feels like Jessica just views their friendship too conditionally.
She also detailed how she never expects anyone to say “please” to her. Instead, she will do things for her friends or loved ones anyway, simply because she wants to help them out. Finally, Jessica constantly telling her to “say please” reminds her of a parent teaching their children manners. And since she is an adult, this really irks her.
“I don’t need to be taught manners. I’m a very polite person; I’m kind, and I say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ in situations where it makes sense to say it,” she vented.
For instance, whenever she is speaking with coworkers, elders, or talking to kids, she tends to use “please” and “thank you.” But, when she’s just having a casual conversation with one of her friends, she really doesn’t think it’s necessary.
Regardless, since Jessica keeps insisting that it’s important, she’s now been left wondering whether refusing to say “please” every time she makes a request actually makes her a jerk.
Do you always say “please” when making a request? Do you agree it’s unnecessary when speaking casually with friends, or is she being rude? How do you suggest she reconcile this situation?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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