9 Ways To Balance A Romance And Your Friends
Balancing A New Romance And Friendships Can Be Difficult
The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer. Have you ever had a friend you were always with…until they got a new boyfriend/girlfriend? Then, all of a sudden, they had no time for you. Have you been this friend? It’s okay if you have. I’ve been on both ends of this spectrum myself.
Balancing a new romance and friendships is difficult for many, so you are not alone. When a new love interest comes around – especially in the beginning – it can be tricky figuring out how to make sure everyone feels like they are getting an even helping of you in their lives.
Here Are 9 Ways To Balance A Romance And Your Friends
It was a struggle for me to complete this balancing act when I first met my husband. To make it easier for those trying to figure it out, here are 9 tips I have for helping you find that balance – and avoid hurting anyone’s feelings.
1: Make A Point To Prioritize 1:1 Time
Yes, you want everyone you know to meet this new love interest! And you should, but it also makes sense to prioritize 1:1 time with each of them so they get quality time with you. At the beginning of a relationship, making friends or a new flame feel like a second fiddle to the other can be easy.
Setting aside quality time with each of them alone helps everyone feel connected to you in a meaningful way and not play the third wheel.
2: Make The Conversations Appropriate For Who You Are With
There is nothing wrong with always wanting to talk about your new flame with your friends. However, remember that your friends were in the picture first. While talking about your relationship with your friends is okay, do not make that all you ever talk about.
Make sure you ask your friends about their relationships, their job, and their life in general. Show your friends you value them and talk about them.
Likewise, with your new romance – don’t always talk about how much you love your friends all the time.
3: Don’t Be Flaky Just Because You Have A New Flame
Have you known a friend who always wants to hit the club on the weekends or hit up a Taco Tuesday special when they are single, but the minute they get in a new relationship, you never hear from them – and when you try to make plans, they are never free? Have you been this friend?
It’s essential to make regular plans with your friends and follow through. If your friends reach out to hang out, make time if you can.
Likewise, if you have been spending tons of time with your friends and blowing off your flame recently, plan a date night for just the two of you.
4: Introduce The New Romance To Your Friends Slowly
Do not plan some crazy event to introduce your new love interest to your friends all at once. Try smaller groups in settings that won’t be so awkward for everyone.
You can plan a minor event, such as a live music night at a local bar or a sports game with 2-3 friends at a time to make introductions less pressured.
Furthermore, having other distractions around you, like a sporting game or live music, can make things less awkward than a group dinner or a movie night at home. Plan these events in small doses to make everyone getting to know each other easier.
5: Don’t Force People To Be Around Each Other
As much as we all want our romantic partners and friends to love each other, this will not happen for most of us. Some people don’t mesh well.
If you know your flame does not get along with a friend or vice-versa, don’t force them to hang out. Instead, make plans with friends they do mesh well with and prioritize 1:1 time with the friends they don’t mesh well with so nobody feels left out or forced to be around someone they don’t get along with.
6: Make Sure Everyone Is In The Loop When You Make Plans
What I mean here is when you make plans with your friends, make sure your partner is aware of those plans so you don’t double-book yourself. Make sure you do the same thing with your friends when you make a plan with your partner. You do not want to make a habit of double booking yourself and then needing to cancel on your friends or partner at the last minute.
Keep any plans you make organized and ensure everyone knows you have plans and when so you don’t make plans you cannot keep due to a time conflict.
7: Do Not Get In The Way Of Your Partner Including Friends
Just as you had friends before the relationship, so did your partner. They probably have friends they want to see as well. It might even be worth setting up a friend date – you see your friends at the same time your partner goes to see theirs – that way, nobody feels left out.
It’s a great tactic to make sure you balance spending time with each other and hanging out with friends who are not mutual.
8: Be Understanding When Plans Change
Eventually, you will double-book yourself and have to cancel plans with your partner or your friends. If this happens, tell the truth.
Make sure to explain why you are ditching them, and make it a goal to make it up to the person you are ditching as soon as possible.
They might be a little annoyed at first, but in most cases, you will be forgiven if you are honest and attempt to make it up to them for bailing on them.
9: Set Realistic Boundaries With Everyone
You will not be able to please everyone – and that should not be your goal. Trying to make everyone happy all the time will probably stretch you thin if you aren’t setting aside time for yourself in all this.
If you cannot set firm boundaries to balance a relationship with your friendships, consider acquiring help from a therapist or relationship coach. They can help you find boundaries that need to be established and give you the tools you need to set them.
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