Chip Chick
All of this actually boils down to one simple quality in a relationship: trust.
“It’s because there’s a lack of trust,” she said. “It’s because, at one point or another, they tried to hand that task off to their partner, and their partner failed so miserably at it that they can no longer trust them to fulfill the needs of their children and their home in their absence.”
It’s an interesting take, but a sensible one at that. It makes sense why a mother would feel this anxiety over leaving their child for the first time, but leaving them with the other parent shouldn’t cause this level of stress.
“It’s so much easier for us to just say, ‘wow, moms are superheroes; wow, moms remember everything; wow, moms are down with life,’ than it is to hold men accountable and hold society accountable for their low expectations of men’s behavior and contributions to the family,” she said.
“It’s so much easier to just continue to praise moms while they burn themselves out trying to overfulfill all their families’ needs.”
That’s not to say that, as a mother, you’re never going to worry. It’s irrational to assume that you’ll never have any anxiety over the care of your child.
But it shouldn’t be the mother’s sole responsibility to care for the wellbeing of the children 24/7 when there’s an active father involved in their lives.
“Anxiety stems from a lack of control–when you won’t be there to control how things are going,” she said.
“But also, you should still be able to let go of control knowing–knowing full and well–your partner has got this covered. But you can’t do that when you’ve tried that before, and you’ve seen the outcome, and it was less than desirable.”
Things need to change in society. Men need to change their attitudes in relationships where you both share the responsibility of having a child. It takes two to have a child, so only one parent shouldn’t be responsible for caring for them when both parents are in the picture.
“Moms have anxiety and burnout due to lack of trust. Stop telling moms that we’re superheroes. Stop telling moms that we’re down with life,” she said.
