She’s Discussing How She Has Learned To Be Less Emotionally Reactive And Explosive So She Could Adopt A Gentle Parenting Style

Emily Chan |

Jul 13, 2023

Valerii Apetroaiei - stock.adobe.com - illustrative purposes only, not the actual people

TikToker Sabriena Abrre (@sabriene_abrre) is discussing her journey of healing her inner self and how she has learned to become less emotionally reactive and explosive.

So she grew up in an emotionally abusive household where yelling was the main form of communication. Hitting, spanking, punishments, and gaslighting were also things she frequently experienced throughout her childhood.

Her journey of emotional healing started when she had an out-of-body experience one day. She was eight months pregnant with her daughter and had been yelling at her husband for some reason she now can’t remember.

But as she was yelling, she had a flashback of her mother yelling at her father. And then, she had a vision of her grown-up daughter yelling at her partner in the future.

Afterward, she felt an intense need to change, which led her to work on herself and adopt a gentle parenting style. Fast forward to four years later, and it’s rare for her to yell or become emotionally explosive.

She began by educating herself, devouring books, podcasts, and videos. She learned that her emotional reactions happened because she was acting on feelings she didn’t know how to deal with. She was also conditioned to react in an explosive manner because her parents did it, too.

Understanding the research and science behind it made her more motivated to change. It helped her see how her behavior would impact her kids in the long run. Here’s the process she followed to become less reactive.

First, name the emotion you’re feeling. In the beginning, she couldn’t even decipher what she was feeling. One minute she would be happy, and the next, she would be agitated.

To help you name your feelings, identify the trigger that caused your shift in emotion. If she felt happy, something would happen that made her feel unheard and attacked, which led to agitation, so she reacted by yelling.

Valerii Apetroaiei – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual people

For example, when her husband seemed secretive about his phone, she felt nervous and threw a fit. And when her child had a tantrum in public, she felt disrespected and embarrassed, so she shamed them.

Next, identify the story you’re telling yourself. When her husband seemed secretive with his phone, she told herself he was cheating on her. When her child had a tantrum, she told herself that her child was ungrateful.

But do those stories accurately reflect the current situation? Sabriena was actually reliving past experiences that made her react that way. Her reactions occurred due to her body trying to protect her from getting hurt again.

In a previous relationship, her ex-partner had cheated on her, so she was afraid to get cheated on again. What really happened was that her husband had coincidentally closed an app on his phone as she walked into the room. He wasn’t being secretive at all.

And in regards to her daughter throwing a tantrum, she probably was just tired or hungry. But because Sabriena was silenced for having emotions growing up, she was projecting her pain onto her daughter, and that pain emerged in the forms of accusations and gaslighting.

In order to break the pattern that the generations before you followed, you must walk yourself through the emotional process and control your emotions instead of letting them control you.

When you put in the work, you will begin to be able to handle your feelings in a healthy way rather than reverting back to the past all the time.

@sabriena_abrre

Replying to @summaraharmony How I worked through emotional reactivity/explosiveness? This has been such a journey but IT HAS GOTTEN EASIER. Become familair with your emotional self that was silenced for so long? DISCLAIMER: I’m no “parent coach” or anyone official. This is the parenting style I’ve adopted and use with my girls. It’s what work for me and them, and what I’ve found extremely successful. Take what you need and leave what you don’t. If it doesn’t resonate with you, that’s okay too.?? #gentleparenting #respectfulparenting #consciousparenting #consciousliving #emotionalintelligenceiskey #emotionalreactivity #healingjourney #selfawareness

? original sound – Sabriena Abrre