She Told Her Husband She’s Not Moving To Minnesota For His New Job, So They’re Living Separately Right Now And They’re Not In A Great Place In Their Relationship
Two years ago, this 44-year-old woman’s husband, also 44, was laid off from his job. For the last 12 years, she and her husband have lived in Rhode Island. Her husband worked at the same company for nearly that entire time before he sadly lost his job.
When her husband was laid off, he was offered severance for 10 months, paid out at half of his salary.
Throughout those several months, she and her husband job hunted, but unfortunately, the Boston and Rhode Island areas were an intensely competitive job market. Most job seekers in Boston seemed to have an MBA or PhD. She has a GED, and her husband has an Associate’s degree.
After tons of job searching, the only offer she received was for a minimum-wage position in an unsafe area of town.
“I gave up and fell into a depression. My husband insisted that the East Coast is overrated and other job markets were less competitive, so he was going to look there. So, he found a contract-to-hire job in Minnesota. Obviously, a cheap place and the fact he had a job pulled me out of zombie mode,” she said.
Sadly, everyone they know is on the East Coast. Plus, their 12-year-old daughter is a talented ballet dancer who ranks at least third whenever she competes.
“The ballet scene is on the East Coast. The best studios are there as well. My daughter’s dream is to dance for New York City Ballet,” she explained.
“I drive her an hour one way to study at a prestigious studio in Boston. Her instructor there is the best of the best.”
“I just could not justify moving to the middle of nowhere essentially when my husband was just doing a six-month contract.”
rudi1976 – stock.adobe.com- illustrative purposes only
During her husband’s contract, she and her daughter remained in Rhode Island while her husband rented a place in Minnesota.
Two and a half months ago, her husband was offered a full-time position. She and her husband started fighting because he told her that the summer would be the best time for them to make the permanent move to Minnesota.
However, she wanted him to just take the job while looking for career opportunities in Rhode Island so that he could move back.
In response, her husband said that the company gave him a contract job when he desperately needed it.
He then pointed out that the rent in Minnesota was about a third of what it was in Rhode Island. Plus, he didn’t make much less than what his salary would be in Rhode Island, anyway.
“Last weekend, I took my daughter to a dance thing in New York. We missed our train back, and I decided to book a night at a hotel rather than scramble to get back,” she shared.
“My husband freaked out because the school called since the cell signal was bad, so I couldn’t call the school about an absence. He was also mad about the hotel bill and accused me of using him as a remote ATM.”
Then, her husband told her that she needed to plan to move to Minnesota, adding that this scenario was “a perfect example of how he felt that he was parenting with a blindfold.”
She told her husband that he needed to relax, and she said that he was only looking at the situation from his own point of view.
If she and her daughter moved to Minnesota, they wouldn’t know anyone, and she doesn’t feel like her husband is taking into consideration how lonely that would be for them and how difficult it would be for them to adjust.
Throughout their time apart, she does her best to FaceTime her husband as often as she can, but her husband has told her that he mainly wants her to move to Minnesota because he misses being close to her.
Their relationship is not in a good place currently, and she feels like she’d be a bad parent if she moved her daughter away from the only life she knows just because her husband misses her and struggles to be an effective parent from so far away.
What would you do if you were in her shoes?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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