His Wife Decided To Be A Stay-At-Home Mom, But His In-Laws Keep Blaming Him For Making His Wife Stay Home
For the last eight years, this 38-year-old man and his wife, 37, have been happily married, and they have two children. They both are originally from another country and moved to the United States to pursue their Master’s degrees.
“Our country is very patriarchal and, traditionally, girls’ education has always been given lower priority than boy’s education,” he said.
“Things are changing, but it’s horrible and something we all hate. My in-laws are very liberal, and they made sure that both their daughters got a great education in STEM, including sending them to the US for their Masters.”
His wife’s parents are so thrilled that his wife has a career in the medical field as a scientist. Plus, his wife has been published in numerous reputable scientific journals. He holds a PhD, and his in-laws take great delight in boasting about the two of them and their successes.
Unfortunately, his wife’s second pregnancy took a toll on her. Because she was so stressed, she chose to resign from her job so that she had the time to prioritize her mental health throughout the remainder of her pregnancy.
Around this time, he worked for a startup company, which was bought out. Due to this, the company received a massive, multi-million-dollar payout, and his salary nearly doubled. So, when his wife resigned from her position, it didn’t affect their finances or way of living.
Their second child was born amid the pandemic, so all of the daycare centers weren’t open. He and his wife chose not to hire a nanny for the time being. His wife chose to be a stay-at-home mother, and he worked remotely. This worked out well for them.
Now that their youngest child is 3, his wife hasn’t begun her job search yet. When they discussed the topic, his wife expressed that she was going to begin her job search the following year.
However, this was what she told him the year prior. This isn’t an issue for him, though, and he’s content with whichever decision his wife makes.
stockbusters – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual people
“My in-laws were visiting us during the Christmas break, and my father-in-law kept on making comments on why she has still not gone back to work,” he explained.
“The comments were borderline insults, insinuating that she was lazy and wasting her potential. I tried not to get involved in the family drama.”
Then, at dinner with his in-laws last week, his wife’s mother brought up the topic again. His mother-in-law pointed the finger at him as the one at fault for why his wife won’t go back to work, accusing him of pressuring his wife to take care of the children.
“Although she did not say it directly, she kept saying how all men in our culture are the same. This is where I lost my cool, as I never told her to stay home,” he shared.
“I spoke up and told them that she gets to decide if she wants to work or stay at home. As long as we as a family are doing well, let’s not pressure her.”
Since then, his in-laws have been distant from him, and they’ve been badmouthing him to his wife, claiming that he’s exactly like all of the men from their native country, adding that they believe he’s trying to guide her into being a stay-at-home mother against her will.
He acknowledged that his wife is a wonderful scientist with a passion for her job. But in his view, he doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with his wife taking care of their children until they’re a bit older if that’s what she would prefer.
Since they’re financially comfortable, he thinks that his wife should be able to make whichever decision is right for her without being judged or ridiculed.
What advice would you give him?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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