How To Effectively Handle Someone Who Gaslights You

The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer. Tell me if any of these phrases sound familiar:
- “That never happened.”
- “Stop exaggerating.”
- “You’re being so dramatic.”
- “You’re getting upset over nothing.”
- “I wouldn’t do that to you.”
- “It’s your fault, not mine.”
- “It’s all in your head.”
- “You’re just imagining things.”
- “I was joking.”
- “Don’t be so sensitive.”
- “It’s not a big deal.”
- “You are crazy.”
You might be dealing with gaslighting if you’ve heard any of these or phrases similar to these. To be sure, you need to know what gaslighting is.
Gaslighting is the attempt to create doubt in your thoughts, feelings, and reality by manipulating your perception. The goal of the gaslighter is to confuse you to the point you doubt yourself and go along with their perception.
This buzzword is popular nowadays to talk about abusive and narcissistic partners/family members, but gaslighting can happen even with your friends and other relationships. The key is figuring out if it’s intentional gaslighting or miscommunication that looks like gaslighting. In this article, we’ll give you 5 steps for handling gaslighting appropriately.
1: Make Sure It Is Gaslighting
True gaslighting is usually noticed when a pattern of manipulation is noticed. You might be being gaslit if you find yourself doing any of these:
- Consistently doubting yourself when talking to this person
- Wondering if you are too sensitive
- Struggling with lower self-esteem
- Struggling to make decisions
- Apologizing frequently, even when you don’t know what you are apologizing for
Once you know you are being intentionally gaslit, you can work to break the cycle.

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2: Step Away And Take Space
Gaslighting can evoke many emotions, such as confusion, anger, worry, sadness, fear, and frustration – all of which are perfectly valid to experience. However, you do not want to let those immediate emotions dictate your actions. Instead, finding a way to stay calm is better for effectively dealing with gaslighting attempts.
Remember, their goal is to confuse you enough to doubt your truth. If they are trying to create distress and doubt, step away from them and take a walk. It would help if you had space and time to refocus your thoughts and recenter yourself.
If leaving is not an option, try the following: breathing exercises, listening to relaxing music, or meditating.
3: Take Note Of Events
It’s easy to get caught up in the emotions you are experiencing when someone is gaslighting you. To keep firm to your truth, write down the events from your perspective and read over them. This can help you maintain confidence in your version of events when they try to manipulate your reality.
4: Collect Proof Of Your Truth
One of the best tools to beat a gaslighter at their game is collecting proof they are wrong. This can look like this:
- Screenshotting texts and DMs
- Saving emails
- Recording conversations
- Taking pictures of things
- Informing others of dates and times as witnesses
While collecting evidence can be just as stressful as being gaslit, you can set some boundaries and practice mindfulness techniques to keep yourself centered.
5: Beat The Gaslighter At Their Own Game
The best way to handle gaslighting is not to engage. They need you to be reactive and in a stressed state to manipulate you. The best way to deny them this and get them reactive and confused is to be calm and disengaged. When they confront you, be calm and present them with evidence of your truth, then disengage. Watch them go crazy and show you their true colors.
If the gaslighter begins to push forward and reject your evidence against them, there are several phrases you can say to counter the gaslighting. Remember, it is best not to engage. However, if you do, some good comebacks to classic gaslighting phrases can include:
- “I know what I saw.”
- “My feelings are real and valid. However, I do not appreciate you telling me I am too sensitive.”
- “Don’t tell me how to feel. This is how I feel.”
- “My feelings are not up for debate.”
- “I’ve heard your point multiple times, and I still don’t agree.”
- “If you keep denying how I feel, this conversation is over.”
Again, this is assuming you engage with the gaslighter at all. Dealing with a gaslighter can be stressful and confusing. Remember to stand firm in your reality of events and walk away/set healthy boundaries when the gaslighter refuses to respect your opinion.
Lean into the support of friends and family on your side, and never be afraid to get an outside opinion if you think you are being gaslit.
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