5 Warning Signs Your Relationship Might Be Doomed, And What You Can Do To Save It

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The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer. There are often signs a relationship is on the rocks and headed for death. But, unfortunately, we often cannot notice because we are participating in the relationship.

Here Are 5 Signs Your Relationship Might Be Doomed

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I call this phenomenon “relationship goggles.” You usually cannot see the warning signs until after the relationship ends, and you take off those goggles and reality hits you.

To help more couples avoid this hindsight realization, here are five warning signs your relationship might be doomed and some steps you can take if you want to save your relationship.

1: You Were Oblivious In The Beginning

young couple sitting in a cafe and feed each other the juicy cakes
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If you want your relationship to fail, the best way to make that happen is to ignore red flags at the beginning of the relationship.

For example, suppose they are selfish, aggressive, or manipulative, or you have a fundamental difference in morals and values that make you incompatible. In that case, you are setting yourself up for failure by ignoring those.

A typical example I see with clients is a fundamental difference in wants/needs. For instance, she wants 2 kids and a house, but he wants no kids and to travel. They love each other, but both know this desire will not change. Guess what? That relationship might be doomed. Do not ignore issues that require a long talk.

2: Home No Longer Feels Like Home 

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If you or your partner dread going home at the end of the day, the relationship might be doomed. Many therapists and coaches would agree with me when I say that if you or your partner avoid being around each other, you are passively breaking up with them. So, make note if you or your partner spend more time out with your friends than with each other.

3: Your Personal Life Is Trash

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Whether couples admit it or not, the physical aspect of your relationship is an integral part of any healthy relationship— physical compatibility matters for long-term satisfaction.

However, if you and your partner have vastly different needs or one of you lacks a physical attraction to the other, that might spell doom for your relationship.

Be on the same page – or at least open to compromises – to have a happy and healthy relationship.

4: You Don’t Trust Each Other

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A significant kiss of death many couples cannot bounce back from is a lack of trust. Trust can be repaired if it is damaged, but it takes work, and both of you must be committed to repairing it.

So, if trust has been damaged, do a gut check with yourself and make sure you are prepared to put in the effort to repair it. If you aren’t, the relationship is likely doomed.

5: You Don’t Care

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Conflict and fighting are not always bad things in relationships. Many people fight for one reason – they care. They care about being heard. They care about being right. They care about being understood and validated.

The relationship is doomed once you stop caring. A lack of disagreement is often more dangerous to the relationship than an argument.

When you stop disagreeing, you are either avoiding a discussion that needs to happen, or you have stopped caring about the resolution. Whichever it is, if you don’t care, the relationship might be in trouble.

What Do You Do If These Signs Are Present?

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You’ll notice I said the relationship might be doomed if you notice these signs – this is because relationships only end when one or both of you call it quits. However, you have the choice to work through these signs of trouble and build a healthier relationship.

How do you do that? I offer you five steps:

  1. Talk to each other
  2. Engage in active listening
  3. Set aside time to reconnect
  4. Take responsibility for your part in the status of the relationship
  5. Finally, seek professional help if you’re committed to making the relationship work

Remember, Love Is A Choice, And It Needs Your Dedication

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It sounds simple, but it will be an uphill battle. Love is a choice that requires action and dedication. Any half-attempts are a waste of your time and your partner’s time.

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