How To Tell If A Guy Is Cookie-Jarring You
The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer. Plenty of people have “rosters” nowadays and date around while searching for the right match. That’s perfectly acceptable, too, as long as they make it clear that they’re seeing other people.
If not, you could fall victim to “cookie-jarring.” This dating buzzword may be new, but it refers to an all-too-familiar phenomenon.
What Is Cookie-Jarring?
Picture this: you’re seeing a guy, and in your mind, things have been going great. Yet despite taking you out on dates, flirting with you, and making it seem like you have a future together, you have a gut feeling that something is off.
In instances of cookie-jarring, your instinct is right. The guy you’re seeing is treating you like a cookie at the bottom of his cookie jar, keeping you in his “reserve” as he pursues other options.
You are essentially his back burner choice, and when he needs a sweet fix, he reaches into the cookie jar (A.K.A. calls or texts you to hang out). Afterward, you might feel as if your relationship is going somewhere. He, on the other hand, mentally puts you back in the jar and places his focus elsewhere for the time being.
Cookie-jarring is extremely toxic because it gives you just enough attention, making you feel as if there’s a chance of things progressing. In reality, you’re being led on and used as a placeholder.
If the guy you’re seeing is cookie-jarring you, he’s essentially manipulating you by preventing you from moving on while giving you no real form of commitment. And as time drags out with no sign of true interest or companionship, your self-esteem and mental health can take a real hit.
That’s why it’s important to recognize the signs early and exit cookie-jarring situations ASAP.
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How To Know If You’re Being “Cookie-Jarred”
The most obvious sign of this phenomenon is random or inconsistent communication. When you actually start to form a relationship with someone, your only messages shouldn’t be, “You up?” texts or invitations for out-of-the-blue get-togethers.
Similarly, you might get left on “read” for days until the guy finally shows some interest in you again. This on-and-off communication is a red flag that you’re being saved as a backup option when other plans (or girls) fall through.
Due to this, your relationship status is probably murky: another sign of cookie-jarring. As you battle the infrequent communication, it’s probably tough to broach the “what are we” conversation. And even if you make it there, he might hesitate, be vague, or give excuses as to why you can’t define your relationship.
Along with this comes a lack of emotional investment, the third red flag. Again, genuine romantic relationships aren’t just passionate and adventurous; they’re also personal and sentimental.
If a guy likes to take you out on the town or hook up with you after hours yet never opens up or shows any vulnerability, that suggests he’s not interested in you long-term and is using you for the time being.
Additionally, you may notice that he acts shady or isn’t always truthful. He might not want to tell you about his schedule, his social circle, or whether he’s dating anyone else.
This isn’t a boundary; it’s a manipulation tactic. He doesn’t want you to know that he’s been bouncing between numerous prospects out of the fear that he’ll lose a cookie in his jar.
Now, the final sign is more of a feeling than a straightforward indicator. Nonetheless, it’s just as valuable.
Relationships are supposed to feel safe, secure, and warm. If you’ve been feeling the opposite, possibly dealing with a strange knot in your stomach or wondering if you’re actually valued by him, trust your gut.
You can, of course, try to have an honest conversation with the guy before you figuratively pack your bags and leave. But if he truly is cookie-jarring you, you might never get the honest answers you’re looking for.
At the end of the day, remember the kind of relationship you’re after and the respect that you deserve. No matter if a guy is cookie-jarring you or not, inconsistent behavior, emotional aloofness, and shadiness aren’t okay.
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