7 Signs You’re Settling In A Relationship
Do You Deserve More Than Your Partner Can Give You?
The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer. Even though relationships are all about compromise, there’s a huge difference between making some healthy concessions and settling for less than you deserve.
It’s completely normal to disagree with your partner on little things, like which movie genre is the best or what music you like to listen to. But we should strive to find significant others who share the same morals and values, respect our boundaries, and go beyond the bare minimum.
Here Are 7 Signs You Could Be Settling
Yet, once you start seeing someone and become emotionally invested, it can be hard to notice the red flags that suggest you’re only staying due to comfort, fear, or habit. Not only will this lead to resentment and unhappiness over time, but it’ll also prevent you from experiencing the kind of love that genuinely enriches your life.
To avoid falling into that trap, watch out for these seven signs that you’re settling in your relationship.
1. You Constantly Make Excuses For Your Partner’s Behavior
If a friend or coworker hurt your feelings, disregarded your opinion, or downright disrespected you, you probably wouldn’t tolerate it. Yet, you may find yourself glossing over your partner’s behavior and making excuses for them.
When we settle, we try to convince ourselves that they “didn’t mean it” or allow their harmful actions by thinking that’s “just how they are.” These justifications can become a coping mechanism over time, preventing you from acknowledging that you’re accepting less than you deserve.
A healthy relationship won’t require constant rationalization, and a partner who deserves you will take accountability for their actions and work to improve themselves for your sake.
2. They Don’t Show Up For You
On a similar note, it’s a major red flag if your partner repeatedly fails to be there for you when you need them. From being chronically late to skipping important events or simply not offering a shoulder to lean on during tough times, their absence speaks volumes.
It’s not enough for someone to say that they care about you. True love is demonstrated through thoughtful and intentional actions, so if you often feel alone, you may be settling for a person who isn’t capable of being the partner you need.
3. You Have Surface-Level Compatibility
If you were to write down everything about you and your partner’s lives on paper, you might seem like a great match. You have similar routines, share hobbies, enjoy the same foods, or even work in the same field.
However, if your connection doesn’t plunge any deeper than that, it’s a big problem because long-term happiness is fueled by emotional and intellectual bonds. True compatibility is about being able to have meaningful conversations, support each other’s growth, and tackle challenges together.
If your relationship feels more like a friendship borne out of convenience, you could be settling for a partnership that only scratches the surface.
4. Their Company Is Tolerated, Not Enjoyed
When we’re truly happy in relationships, even the most mundane moments can feel enjoyable simply because we love the person we’re with. Yet, if you just go through the motions and being in your partner’s presence feels like an obligation, it suggests something is missing.
You shouldn’t have to convince yourself to spend alone time with your partner or go out with them. At the same time, feeling relieved when they’re not around indicates they aren’t fulfilling you.
5. You’re Only Staying Because Of Time Invested
One of the biggest traps of settling is staying in a relationship just because you’ve already put so much time into it. This is a common misconception, though, because time alone doesn’t make a relationship worth keeping if it’s causing you to be miserable.
Length doesn’t determine quality, and clinging to something that no longer serves you will only prevent you from finding something (or someone else) that makes you love in a whole new way.
6. Picturing The Future Is Tough
When you’re in the right relationship, fantasizing about the future together will feel exciting and like a natural next step. But if thinking about long-term plans with your partner makes you uncertain, anxious, or even indifferent, consider why you’re reacting that way.
Perhaps you’re avoiding conversations about marriage, kids, or career moves because, deep down, you’re not sure how (or if) your partner is going to fit into your future.
7. You Don’t Feel Like Your True Self, But You’re Afraid Of Starting Over
Finally, no one should feel like they’ve lost their sense of self while in a relationship. It’s supposed to enhance who you already are, not require you to shrink yourself.
Feeling like you need to suppress your personality, opinions, or dreams in order to satisfy your partner or keep the peace isn’t fair and suggests you’re not with someone who truly supports you.
Even if you recognize that, though, the fear of being alone or starting over can still keep you stuck in an unfulfilling relationship. Don’t let change scare you. After all, settling for something that keeps you from being fully yourself is even scarier in the long run.
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