Her Boyfriend Expects Her To Kick Her Disabled Mom Out Of Their House Even Though She Has Nowhere To Go
This 30-year-old woman was raised as an only child by her single mother. So, now that her mother is 65 years old and semi-disabled, she decided to take her in, but her boyfriend wants her to kick her mom out.
For some context, her parents divorced when she was young, so her mom made a lot of sacrifices to help her succeed in life, even though they were poor. She has since gone on to have a high-paying career, in which she earns $50 an hour.
She began dating her boyfriend, who is 35, about two and a half years ago, and they currently share a two-bedroom, one-bathroom apartment. However, he earns only $21 per hour, meaning she covers about 80% of their household expenses.
“I also work from home, so I generally take care of making dinner, doing dishes, shopping for groceries, etc. If my partner does any of these tasks, it is under my direction,” she explained.
Her mother, on the other hand, worked as a baker for 20 years and launched her own baking business in 2019. But then, in 2020, the company failed after her mom suffered a stroke and multiple transient ischemic attacks (TIAs), which are also known as “mini-strokes.”
They “somewhat” changed her mother’s personality and resulted in some mobility issues. Nonetheless, her mom doesn’t currently qualify for disability since she’s able to walk and could theoretically hold a job.
Once the business went under, her mom “coasted” for a little while and ultimately became a live-in caregiver for her grandmother. Then, her grandmother died, and her grandmother’s home was sold, leaving her mom with no income and no place to live.
Given the fact that she and her boyfriend have an extra bedroom, they discussed the situation and agreed that her mom could live with them for a month while searching for a job. Unfortunately, finding employment has proved to be a real struggle.
Her mom isn’t able to be on her feet and only has limited use of her dominant hand. Plus, her mom’s work experience is niche, given her background as a pastry chef.
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That’s why, despite applying to positions every day and going on a few interviews, her mom hasn’t gotten any serious leads. And her boyfriend is getting very frustrated.
“We have had a lot of discussions about this, mostly that I am unable and unwilling to kick my elderly, disabled mother out with nowhere else to go. We have other family [members], but I am the only one with a spare bedroom,” she detailed.
Still, her boyfriend doesn’t seem to get that and has begun acting moody and having outbursts. Nothing her mom does seems to make him happy, either.
For instance, when her mom stays in the bedroom, her boyfriend gets angry and accuses her mom of “cowering” and “hiding” when he gets home from work. Yet, he also gets annoyed when he returns from work and finds them both on the couch, saying, “I feel like I’m a stranger in you and your mom’s house.”
Her boyfriend even accuses her of ignoring him when she simply heads into her mom’s bedroom to chat for a little while. Finally, he has blamed her for not doing enough in their romantic relationship.
“I don’t kiss him enough, snuggle enough, talk to him enough, etc. Anytime I am doing something fun, or for myself, he will start a big fight,” she revealed.
“It feels like living with a storm cloud, and I constantly feel like I’m dropping the ball in like seven different arenas.”
Well, she finally hit her breaking point this past weekend while her boyfriend was driving her to a photoshoot. Apparently, she’d created a “big, crazy” costume that her friend was going to photograph, and she was really looking forward to it.
Despite how meaningful that experience was supposed to be for her, her boyfriend decided it was an appropriate time to bring up her mom’s situation again.
First, he admitted that while he’d never tell her to kick his mom out, he was “really angry” that she hadn’t done it already! Then, he claimed she needed to be on their team and not “team someone else.”
She recognizes that their relationship should be a priority, and her mom has been living with them for nearly five months now. Moreover, she realizes the situation is not easy, and her boyfriend is allowed to have his own feelings about it.
“But the fact that he seems to genuinely believe that I should kick my elderly, disabled mother out into the street really shocked me. It also makes me really question our future,” she vented.
“Like, if this is how he is acting over a family member needing our space room for a time, what would happen if we had a special needs child? Or if something happened to me?”
She strongly believes that good relationships are able to thrive, even in times filled with challenges and crises. But clearly, they’re at an impasse, and she’s not sure how to deal with her boyfriend’s feelings without kicking her mom out.
Do you agree that her boyfriend’s behavior is a red flag, or would you also be disgruntled by your partner’s parent living with you? What should she do?
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