7 Signs Your Partner Is Trying To Control You
Relationships Can Shift Into One Person Trying To Control The Other
The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer. When we picture an ideal relationship, we all probably envision a dynamic where both partners feel equally supported, respected, and free to be themselves.
But even if a relationship starts out this way, it can still shift into something more one-sided, where a partner tries to dominate or control the other.
Here Are 7 Signs Your Partner’s Trying To Control You
This kind of behavior isn’t always apparent or obvious at first, which makes it that much more dangerous. Controlling tendencies can start subtly and gradually build over time, causing you to feel increasingly confused, anxious, and uncertain about your own judgment.
While not every controlling habit is abusive, recurrent patterns of manipulation and emotional pressure can bulldoze your self-esteem and create a toxic environment, so recognizing the red flags early is key. Here are seven signs that your partner may be trying to control you.
1. They Gaslight Or Constantly Criticize You
Gaslighting is a powerful manipulation tactic where someone twists events that really happened to make you question your own perceptions, memories, or feelings.
For instance, if your partner hurts you, they might try to downplay their behavior by accusing you of being “too sensitive” or disregard your concerns altogether by claiming you’re imagining things. Other times, they might try to brush off cruel things they said as “just a joke” and push you to wonder whether you really are overreacting.
Alongside gaslighting is constant criticism. From mocking your appearance to focusing on minor mistakes or making you feel as if you can never do anything right, all of this will also erode your self-worth. These behaviors are designed to make you doubt yourself and become more dependent on your partner’s approval.
2. Your Partner Tries To Micromanage Your Life
A significant other who tries to control every aspect of your daily routine isn’t just being involved; they’re attempting to take away your independence. They may tell you what to wear, criticize what you eat, or comment about how you spend your money. In more serious cases, they could also interfere with your ability to study, work, or even seek out medical care.
If your partner frequently hovers over you, second-guesses your decisions, and forces you to feel like you can’t be trusted to handle your own life, it’s a major red flag. They are damaging your sense of confidence and autonomy, making you feel trapped in the process.
3. They Are Overprotective
Even though it’s natural for a loving partner to care about your well-being, it becomes a problem when that concern crosses into controlling territory.
They might disguise their behavior as “protectiveness,” too, while questioning things like where you’ve been, who you were with, and why you didn’t answer their texts or calls immediately. Your partner may even act jealous towards your friends and criticize the people you trust.
Again, these habits might seem like they stem from love, but remember that someone who truly loves you will respect your independence. When protectiveness starts to feel more suffocating than supportive, it’s not a good sign.
4. Your Partner Isolates You And Shames You For Spending Time With Loved Ones
Similarly, isolation is a powerful tool for control since it makes you more reliant on the person manipulating you. Has your partner ever discouraged you from seeing your family and friends or even given you the silent treatment when you chose to spend time with other people instead of them?
If so, you might’ve pulled away from your support system just to avoid creating conflict, which isn’t healthy. You should never be made to feel guilty or selfish for maintaining other familial or platonic relationships. It’s important to remain connected to the people who make you feel happy and whole, and anyone who expects otherwise is likely trying to control you.
5. They Disregard Your Boundaries
Every single person deserves to have their privacy and personal boundaries respected, regardless of whether they’re in a close relationship.
Yet, a controlling partner still might violate your privacy by tracking your whereabouts, checking your phone, reading your messages, or wanting access to your social media accounts. Then, they may attempt to justify this by saying things like, “If you have nothing to hide, why won’t you let me see?”
Don’t let their tactics fool you because this isn’t about trust; it’s about control. When someone consistently ignores your boundaries and attempts to make it seem harmless, they’re showing a total lack of respect for your autonomy.
6. Your Partner Uses Blame To Avoid Taking Accountability
One of the hallmarks of a controlling person is their inability to take responsibility for their actions. Instead of owning up to their mistakes, they’ll twist most situations to make it seem like everything is your fault.
So, if you try to confront them about something hurtful they did, they might flip the script and accuse you of overreacting or causing the problem yourself. The saddest part is that you may end up apologizing just to keep the peace, even when you’re not in the wrong.
In the long run, their lack of accountability can lead you to further doubt yourself and believe that you are the problem.
7. They Use You As A Scapegoat
Finally, it’s natural for moods to shift and for everyone to have a bad day. However, controlling people have problems taking ownership of their emotions and could make it seem like you’re responsible for how they feel.
Maybe your partner blames you for their failures or frustrations, even when you have nothing to do with a particular situation. They are somehow always painting themselves as the victim and positioning you as the source of their unhappiness.
This dynamic can leave you with feelings of guilt and obligation while pushing you to walk on eggshells just to prevent stirring the pot. It’s not healthy or sustainable, either, because no one should be constantly forced to carry the burden of someone else’s emotions.
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