7 Signs You Are Scaring Your Partner Off
When You Love Someone, You Want To Hold On Tight And Not Lose Them
The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer. When you finally find someone you like (or possibly love), it’s understandable that you wouldn’t want to let them slip through your fingertips.
But too often, the adrenaline rush of emotions causes the pendulum to swing to another extreme, and people fall victim to questionable behavior that just pushes their partners away.
Here Are 7 Signs You Are Scaring Your Partner Off
Relationships take time to develop. Connections have to be nurtured, details about each other’s lives should be gradually learned, and no one is supposed to feel pressured into moving at a rapid pace.
So, if you keep falling for people, coming on a bit too strong, and losing them in the process, it might be time to change your tactics. Here are seven signs that you’re scaring a partner off.
1. You’re Chasing Them
We’ve all heard the saying, “We want what we can’t have,” and it couldn’t be more true in relationships. This doesn’t necessarily mean you have to play “hard to get,” but by chasing someone, you will only make them run faster away from you.
A little bit of mystery and intrigue can go a long way in getting someone excited about you and, thereafter, keeping the spark alive. So, if you’re constantly showing up randomly, blowing up their phone, or trying to plan every hangout, especially if they’ve turned you down in the past, take a step back.
Realize that you won’t have to sprint toward someone relentlessly if they reciprocate your feelings; they’ll eventually come back around.
2. You Act Entitled To Their Attention
Similarly, if you start “chasing” someone, and they aren’t responding to your advances, you might start to get angry, upset, or even jealous.
Remember that you aren’t entitled to anyone’s undivided attention, especially if they’re only a prospective or brand-new partner.
Boundaries are important, so respect your partner’s. Also, set them for yourself. If you text them a few times, for instance, and receive no reply, cut it off there! Establish standards for communication, quality time, and personal space early on, and if they don’t meet your expectations (as long as they’re realistic ones), you’ll know to move on.
3. You Idealize Them
While it can be nice to have someone who supports your every move and compliments practically everything about you, it can also become a bit overwhelming.
Not to mention, if you are swept off your feet by a partner and start thinking they’re “perfect,” then you’re just setting yourself up to be heartbroken.
No one should be put on a pedestal because we’re all flawed beings. And if you begin to expect that your partner lives up to this romanticized vision of them that you’ve concocted in your head, then get frustrated when they fail, they could get scared away.
4. You Don’t Leave Room For Their Voice
Everyone has someone in their life who can’t seem to shut up. They’re great at dinner parties and gossip sessions, but when it comes to romance, their chattiness can prove damaging.
As you get to know your new or prospective partner, make sure that you’re leaving enough room in conversations to actually learn more about them.
You might feel the urge to word-vomit all of your feelings and experiences if you feel really safe or comfortable talking to them. Yet, if they aren’t afforded the same opportunity, they might wind up just feeling used, overwhelmed, or turned off by your lack of active listening.
5. You’re Obsessed With The State Of Your Relationship
As I mentioned, relationships progress at their own pace. Some people open up quickly and like to move fast, while others prefer to take their time and enjoy a slow burn.
Two people can fall in love with each other and have fundamentally different ideas of relationship progression. Be sure to keep that in mind instead of stressing over the state of your relationship and worrying about whether they “feel the same way.”
Of course, everyone has their own limits, and after a few weeks or even months of limited reciprocation, it could be time to cut your losses and move on. But in the beginning, don’t scare them away by pressuring them to express their deepest emotions immediately.
6. You’re Jumping To Commit
At the same time, commitment, or making a relationship “exclusive,” is a personal decision that everyone has different views on.
You might be ready to commit after five dates, for instance, while your partner wants you to at least meet their friends before putting a label on it.
Don’t try to rush the process. If you do, you’ll actually be doing yourself a disservice by not living in the moment. Enjoy wherever you’re at in your relationship right now, and take things as they come. In my opinion, love is more beautiful when it plays out naturally, anyway.
7. You Have A Pessimistic Perspective
Lastly, no two individuals will ever be exactly alike. You and your partner might work different jobs, have opposing interests and hobbies, or even live in distant towns. But the one thing you can both come together and share is a positive outlook.
The attitude that a prospective or new partner sees in you now is almost like a sneak peek, giving them a glimpse of how you might view (and react to) both triumphs and challenges throughout the rest of your relationship. So, why be negative?
Consider this: would you want to start or continue a relationship with someone who had an inherently pessimistic perspective on life? Probably not. Try to reframe your thoughts, change your mindset, and remember that the energy you put out into the world is what you’ll receive back. So, lead with positivity.
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