7 Signs Your Partner Isn’t Over Their Ex
Nobody Wants To Find Out That Their Partner Is Hung Up On An Ex
The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer. The last thing anyone wants after they enter a relationship is to discover that their partner is still hung up on an ex. But unfortunately, it’s a risk we all take whenever we begin seeing someone new.
What makes this reality even sadder is that, sometimes, people don’t actually realize they’re still pining for a past partner.
Here Are 7 Signs Your Partner Isn’t Over Their Ex
Instead, they might say (and believe) they’re ready for a fresh start, but it’s their actions and the observations of those around them that make it clear they’re not.
So, here are seven signs that suggest your partner isn’t truly over their ex. Recognizing them and ripping the band-aid off sooner will prevent you from suffering more heartbreak later.
1. They Jumped Into Your Relationship Soon After Their Last Breakup
What have rom-coms told us to do after breakups? Get back out there because there are “plenty of fish in the sea,” right?
Well, if movies have shown us anything, it’s that rushing into new relationships won’t just erase the emotions linked to past ones.
If the smoke of your partner’s last relationship barely settled before they began seeing you, it’s a big red flag. They probably didn’t take enough time to process their feelings, reflect on what happened, and let go of their ex. Not to mention, no one wants to be a “rebound.”
2. Your Partner Frequently Talks About Their Ex
Another telltale indicator is if your partner discusses their ex all the time. Their comments can be positive or negative, too.
On the one hand, they might reminisce about their relationship fondly, always bringing up events they attended, dates they went on, or experiences they got through together. Conversely, they might badmouth their ex and seem hung up on ways they were “wronged” or “betrayed.”
Either way, the proof is in the pudding: your partner’s ex is living rent-free in their head. And even if they seem genuinely angry at their ex, the inability to release that emotion and move on sends a message that, deep down, they still care in some way.
3. Plus, They Still Talk To Their Ex (Or Keeps Tabs On Them)
Now, if your partner has remained in regular contact with their ex, that could also be an issue. It’s true that in some scenarios, exes are able to stay friends and have stable, platonic friendships. But in my experience, it’s not the norm.
Moreover, as your partner’s new significant other, you have a right to set boundaries regarding what makes you feel comfortable versus uncomfortable. If you’ve tried telling your partner that you don’t like them maintaining a close relationship with their ex, and they’ve written you off, it’s clear you’re not a priority.
And even if your partner isn’t actively speaking to their ex, you might catch them “stalking” their ex on social media, keeping tabs on what they’re up to and how they’re doing. Again, if they didn’t still care, they wouldn’t be interested.
4. Your Partner Cherishes Their Ex’s Belongings
It’s natural for people to hold on to keepsakes from fond times in their lives. Even if you eventually broke up with your high school sweetheart, for instance, you probably still have some photos of you two at prom together (unless there was some sort of crazy teenage betrayal).
However, cherishing these mementos is a totally different story. Does your partner still have framed photos from their past relationship hanging around their house or posted on social media? Do they continue to wear gifts or use items that were in some way linked to their ex?
When people are ready to let go of a relationship, they usually let go of such objects, too, and store away some keepsakes at the back of their closet. So, leaving them on display (and even refusing to get rid of them) suggests something’s off.
5. They Won’t Talk To You About Their Split
After two people start dating, it’s normal to eventually have “the talk” about past relationship history. Maybe you even opened up about your own track record, yet your partner spoke vaguely about their ex or even shut down when you tried to ask some questions.
Most often, this signals that the thought of their ex is overwhelming because they haven’t properly processed the split.
Think about it: when we reflect on our emotions following a tough situation, it makes that same situation easier to think about and discuss later. If your partner never truly came to terms with their last breakup, though, then they could still be grappling with feelings of attachment that they don’t want to face.
6. Your Partner Compares You To Their Ex
It’s never fun when you get compared to anyone, but especially your partner’s ex. It can feel like you’re competing with a ghost of their past (and never quite measuring up).
This can happen in a ton of ways. Perhaps your partner claims that you laugh, talk, or even dress like their ex. Or, they draw comparisons between your careers, social lives, hobbies, or even love languages.
Regardless of whether the comparisons are “positive,” it’s still a red flag, too. You have a right to wonder why your partner is still thinking about their ex instead of just focusing their attention solely on your new relationship.
7. They Refuse To Commit To You
Finally, the biggest sign of them all might be your partner’s refusal to commit. It’s important to note that, yes, after getting out of a rough breakup, it’s understandable why someone would want to “take things slow.”
Nonetheless, if a decent amount of time has passed in your relationship, and your partner still doesn’t want to “put a label” on it or become “exclusive,” it suggests they’re still harboring old feelings or holding out hope that they’ll get back with their ex.
In this situation, the best thing you can do is cut your losses and move on. Clearly, your partner has some unresolved feelings they need to confront, and you don’t deserve to wait around in the meantime.
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