7 Signs Your Relationship Is Driven By Fear
There’s A Certain Freedom That Comes With Acting Out Of Love In A Relationship
The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer. When you feel secure with your partner and their care for you, you’re able to operate with a clear head that’s not bogged down by worry over “what-ifs.”
You can also better hold on to your sense of individuality and self-worth since you’re not consumed by questions surrounding the state of your relationship.
Here Are 7 Signs Your Relationship Is Driven By Fear
That’s why fear-based relationships are so toxic. They strip you of that autonomy and peace of mind, with negative emotions like jealousy, insecurity, guilt, or anger informing your behavior instead.
It goes without saying that such a pattern is unhealthy and unsustainable, especially because the right person (and relationship) for you won’t leave you constantly anxious.
So, to recognize the warning signs, here are seven indicators that you’re stuck in a relationship driven by fear.
1. You’re Possessive Of Your Partner
It’s natural to enjoy and crave more quality time with your partner, but possessiveness is another story. Whether you’re afraid that they’ll find someone else and abandon you, or you’re just fearful of being in your own company for a while, you may cling to them and try to spend as much time with them as possible.
The healthiest and most stable relationships are built on mutual trust and security. Without that, you run the risk of letting your partner become the center of your life, sacrificing your individuality in the process.
2. Even Minor Arguments Become Explosive
Couples who feel comfortable with one another know that they can (and will) get into arguments every now and then, and they will recover.
After all, if every little disagreement caused people to immediately break up, then no one in the world would even be in a relationship.
However, when fear is the guiding force in your head, you might react very strongly to even little conflicts. You’re so afraid of your partner leaving or the relationship ending that you immediately become defensive and set on “proving” something, ultimately escalating a situation that wasn’t actually that significant in the first place.
3. You Often Feel Insecure Or Jealous
This is the most obvious sign of a fear-driven relationship. Significant others are supposed to make us feel validated, appreciated, and safe. Otherwise, why even be with them in the first place?
Nonetheless, if you choose to stay with someone you don’t fully trust anyway, your fear will lead to toxic behavior. You might accuse them of wrongdoing, start keeping tabs on their schedule, and even cross boundaries by snooping on their phone.
No love-based relationship will ever push you to feel so insecure and resort to such tactics.
4. You’ve Changed Parts Of Yourself
Now, people with fears of abandonment or feelings of insecurity may even go so far as to actually change aspects of themselves just to appease their partners.
Have you altered your appearance because your significant other likes it when you dress a certain way? Do you ever stifle your true thoughts since you’re worried your partner won’t accept your views?
These are just two examples of behavior borne out of relationships driven by fear. A connection with the right person will make you feel seen, heard, and understood, no matter what, not afraid of being judged or critiqued for just being who you are.
5. You’re Always Overthinking
It’s extremely important to continue prioritizing yourself, even after you start dating someone. But that can seem impossible when you’re constantly overthinking your relationship.
Suddenly, your mind is consumed with questions regarding your partner’s life, feelings, and needs, leading you to disregard your own. This cycle is especially sad because you essentially rob yourself of the joy that comes with being in a relationship.
In other words, instead of just feeling free to be yourself and secure in the connection you share, you’re too worried about losing them to even relish your relationship.
6. You Apologize Constantly
Are you a chronic apologizer? Some individuals who grew up in unstable households developed this habit from a young age. Meanwhile, others take it on when they’re, again, insecure about potentially being abandoned.
Don’t get me wrong: taking accountability in relationships is a necessary thing. The ability to own your mistakes and work on your shortcomings will only make your partnership stronger (as long as you are actually at fault).
But if you frequently find yourself saying “sorry” for things that don’t require an apology or even taking the blame for situations where you didn’t do anything wrong, it’s a red flag that you’re just afraid of upsetting your partner.
7. You’ve Convinced Yourself To Settle
Finally, people who struggle with a deep fear of being alone can wind up settling in relationships. Why? Well, the idea of moving on and starting fresh terrifies them so much that they convince themselves their current relationship is the best it’s going to get.
Don’t allow the fear of uncertainty or change to dictate who you’re with. Only love should do that. And if you don’t truly love your partner, and you’re only staying because of time invested or the familiarity that your relationship provides, it’s time to reassess your standards.
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