7 Signs You’re In Love With The Idea Of Your Partner And Not Who They Really Are
Sometimes, You Fall In Love With Something Other Than Who Your Partner Is
The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer. When you meet someone and have good chemistry, it’s almost too easy to start daydreaming about future possibilities.
Then things can go awry, particularly if you enter a relationship and realize you fell in love with something else (not who they truly are) along the way.
Maybe you always craved companionship and simply liked the thought of having a new romantic opportunity. Or, you became attached to how loved or safe your partner made you feel without actually feeling the same way about them.
Here Are 7 Signs You’re More In Love With The Idea Of Your Partner And Not Who They Really Are
Finally, it’s possible that you just saw so much potential in them at the start and hoped that, someday, things would all come together.
While all these scenarios are understandable, they don’t make for a genuine connection that lasts. So, here are seven signs you’re more in love with the idea of your partner and not who they really are.
1. You Fell Head Over Heels Quickly
This is one of the most common reasons people wind up in relationships that are more idealistic than realistic. If you get caught up in your emotions and dive straight in, it’s tough to really know and understand the person you’re getting serious with.
Instead, you might’ve used a few main details, traits, or interests to form an overall view of your partner (which is largely based on assumptions). And as the saying goes about assuming things, it usually winds up hurting both people.
2. You Miss Them When You’re Away, But Time Together Is A Different Story
When you and your partner are apart, you may fantasize about coming back together. You might picture them showing up with flowers, genuinely asking about how you’re doing, or performing some physical acts of affection that give you butterflies.
Yet, when you’re actually around each other, the energy is different. There could be arguments, awkwardness, little annoyances, or just a lack of real feeling.
If your fantasies about your quality time rarely line up with your actual experience of being with your partner, it’s a red flag.
3. If You Two Weren’t Dating, You Wouldn’t Choose Them As A Friend
Partners are supposed to fulfill our needs, but they shouldn’t just fill voids. Consider this: if you two had never begun dating, would you have actually chosen them as a friend? Even if they couldn’t provide you with the emotional or physical aspects of a romantic relationship?
If your answer is no, then it suggests you could be with them for the wrong reasons. You might place more value on how they’re serving your desires than on who they are as an individual.
4. You Don’t Share Any Of The Same Values Or Goals
A first taste of love can be intoxicating, overwhelming logic. Maybe you knew that you and your partner didn’t have the same values, goals, or vision for the future.
Yet, you chose to overlook the differences in the spirit of optimism, thinking that sheer love alone could help you two overcome anything.
Sadly, that’s just not the truth. Couples must be compatible and on the same page to create a relationship that’s healthy, sustainable, and mutually fulfilling. Otherwise, someone will likely end up feeling blindsided or resentful down the line.
5. You Gloss Over Habits Or Traits That Don’t Match Up With Your Perspective Of Your Partner
The more we want an idea to work, the more we’re able to downplay or flat-out ignore anything that contradicts our vision. This is precisely where the saying, “Ignorance is bliss,” comes into play.
So, whenever your partner talks or behaves in a way that doesn’t align with how you picture them, you may just filter it out.
You choose to turn the other cheek in favor of continuing to believe in your idea of them rather than the person they truly are. But no matter how long you continue to look away, your refusal to really see your partner won’t just change them.
6. Your Partner Has No Intention Of Committing
Another form of ignorant bliss in relationships is refusing to accept when your partner flat-out says they have no plans to commit.
Of course, coming to terms with the fact that your partner doesn’t want to be with you for the long haul can be tough, but when people reveal their true intentions, we have to listen, no matter how painful it may be.
Otherwise, you are no longer in a relationship with your partner. You are just dating another fictional version of them that doesn’t actually exist and won’t ever be able to fulfill your real-life needs.
7. Your Gut Is Saying They Aren’t Right For You, But Your Heart Is Scared To Let Go
Finally, we usually know when we want to be with someone for the long term, way before anyone gets down on one knee and pops the question.
Likewise, you may have a gut feeling that your partner isn’t “the one” for you, yet you continue clinging to them because you enjoy being in a relationship, and you’re scared of what could come next.
If you can relate, realize that the best thing you can do is refocus your attention and energy on yourself. Take a closer look at your life as an individual and set out on a personal journey of self-discovery instead of staying in a relationship out of just fear, not true love.
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