For the last three years, this 25-year-old woman has been dating her 23-year-old boyfriend, and just four months into their relationship, she got diagnosed with a slew of different things.
Adenomyosis, Endometriosis, and PCOS (which has actually now been renamed to PMOS) are what doctors told her that she has. Her boyfriend was incredibly supportive and attempted to truly understand her diagnoses.
“However, the topic of fertility has always come up; his parents have made comments that I’m infertile, which he has said isn’t necessarily true,” she explained.
“For a note, my tubes seem fine, and my doctors are positive that it will be okay, but I have discussed with my family and friends, as well as specialists, who have made suggestions that having children earlier in life will be better for me.”
“I recently asked a specialist who said I should try to have my first baby by 27 with the goal of completing my family by 35. My boyfriend has always come off [as saying he] would want a future with me.”
A week ago, she celebrated her birthday, and she told her boyfriend that when she did turn 25, they could have a deeper conversation about her health and having kids together in the future.
That specialist she saw was to help her understand her journey to having kids, and right after the appointment, her boyfriend mentioned that he will try to have kids with her for one year.
If she is unable to get pregnant after that period of time, he will leave her, and that’s it. He’s not willing to discuss other options for having kids.
“He wouldn’t want to try IVF, or if I had a late-term miscarriage, he wouldn’t want to try again, and then told me ‘I can’t marry you without knowing you could have kids,” she added.
“We’ve talked about marriage, children, and a life together, so that felt like a kick in the stomach, like he doesn’t really see a future with me.”
“I told him that some women may present with no issues but find themselves struggling with fertility anyway and that in another possible relationship he could run into the same issue (I said sometimes the grass isn’t always greener); his response to that was ‘but sometimes it really is’ he has also said some off the bat comment like ‘maybe another man can get you pregnant’ (when I addressed this, he said it was a joke).”
She feels torn. This is truly the best relationship she has ever been in; however, her boyfriend’s views on having kids make her dubious about a future with him.
She does respect him, and she’s done her best to be transparent about her diagnoses all along. She also understands that her boyfriend is young and having kids is super important.
Well, she really should leave him, because he’s looking at her like she’s a broodmare. Her boyfriend loves the idea of kids more than he loves her, and that’s a tough reality to face.
His love is completely conditional, and I hope she wastes no more of her time with him so that she can find a man who will value her for more than her ability to give him kids.
What do you think she should do?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
