Her Friends Hang Out With The Guy Who Stalks And Harasses Her So She’s Asking The Internet If It’s Worth Losing Her Friends Over
A young woman says that more than two years ago now, a guy seemed to do a nice thing for her as she was trying to get over being dumped.
This guy got her candy and a drink in an effort to make her feel better, and she ended up kissing him on the cheek to say thank you to him.
“…Ever since then he’s been stalking and harassing me, even though I have a boyfriend and have turned him down multiple times,” she explained.
“He’s made my boyfriend and I both extremely uncomfortable. The harasser called me his “soulmate” and “love of his life” (KNOWING I HAVE A BOYFRIEND) to his close friends and I never knew he was referring to me as this until my close friend showed me screenshots and a whole LETTER.”
Also, this guy has done a few things to her that she didn’t feel comfortable talking about because of the awful memories they bring up for her.
Anyway, she happens to have a group of 4 friends, and the other day while she was outside of one of her classrooms with them at school, one of those friends exited a classroom along with the guy who harasses her.
She left as fast as she could, but she did not mention anything to her friends, despite the fact that they all are aware of what he did to her.
Apparently, this guy offered up an apology to her friends last week, and they decided to collectively forgive him, but he never decided to give her an apology.
After this guy apologized to her friends, some of them reached out to her over text about what had happened.
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She made it very clear that she was not comfortable hanging out with this guy because of the fact that he had spent more than two years harassing and stalking her.
“It made me feel stressed and anxious, and I told them that,” she said. “They said it’s only for the 10 minutes before the class starts, and I told them any number of minutes I’m around him and they’re being friendly with him makes it feel like they’re invalidating my experience.”
“They told me to suck it up for 10 minutes so we can all go back to everything being okay. I told them I wasn’t going to put myself in an uncomfortable position just to hang out with them.”
Her friends accused her of being “unreasonable” and they took her off their group text. She’s left feeling like she does need to just deal, otherwise, she’s at risk of losing all her friends.
Here’s what the internet had to say.
“If they’re unhappy to let you remove yourself from the situation, without even asking them to not associate with this person, they are not your friends.”
“Real friends wouldn’t expect you to risk your mental health to make things ‘normal’.”
“When people are willing to raise up a known stalker and harasser and elevate them above you, they are not your friends.”
“They will accept your terror and horror as a price to pay to maintain group solidarity. That is not an acceptable price to pay. Find people that care about you and your well-being.”
“I had a stalker over 10 years ago (an ex). If anyone I considered a friend (or a relative) acted like your “friends” did about him, they would have been out of my life permanently, and quickly.”
“You don’t put someone you consider a friend in this position. None of them deserve your forgiveness or your friendship. Dump them all so you can find friends who actually deserve you.”
“Also…rom someone who’s been there, please consider looking in to the option of getting yourself legal protection from this person because dealing with this for 2 years is 2 years too long, and before his behavior escalates any further.”
“If they cared about you at all they’d be hearing what you’re saying, not ghosting you for not wanting to be around some emotionally irrational guy that has a fantasy relationship with you.”
“They are not your friends, friends do not dismiss your lived negative experience to make room for their own convenience.”
“Those people do not respect you, block them all and cut them out of your life, if you set the precedent that’s it’s okay for them to tell you how to feel about things you went through just because you’re afraid of losing them, you’ll end up letting people walk all over your feelings your whole life every time you’re afraid of losing someone.”
“If they were really your friends they would have told your harasser when he “apologized” to them that the apology wasn’t theirs to receive or accept because you’re the one he hurt and made feel uncomfortable.”
“You didn’t have a friendship with them, you had an arrangement of convenience, that’s why they ditched you the moment it got inconvenient for them. You’re better off without them, you’ll make real friends, just give yourself time.”
You can read the rest of the advice the internet had here.
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