She Told Her Best Friend She Needs To Get Real About Online Dating But She’s Asking The Internet If It Was Wrong To Intervene Despite Having The Best Intentions
A 29-year-old woman has a best friend who is the same age as her. Her best friend just began dating again after going through an awful breakup that somehow dragged on for 6 months.
Her best friend is ready to get back into dating, and she signed up for the app called Hinge.
“Recently she’s been sending me profiles of guys she’s matching with on Hinge,” she explained.
“And I noticed she’s liking ridiculously attractive men. Like the most recent literally put in his profile that he’s a former Nordstrom model.”
“My friend is gorgeous, but she’s about 100lbs overweight, as am I. She has an amazing outgoing personality, which always draws people to her in person. When we go to bars together she always has the attention of at least one man.”
“The problem is she showed me her dating profile, and the only picture that remotely shows her as overweight is the last one, and it’s somewhat misleading as well.”
“I tried weeks ago to politely tell her she’s misrepresenting herself, but she didn’t get the hint.”
Then, last night she was talking to her best friend, who started to complain about the fact that she wasn’t getting any of her online matches commenting on her attractiveness.
Her best friend continued on this topic, and she thought it might be a good opportunity to say they should both try to get healthier and lose weight together.
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Her best friend was very upset by this comment, and then her best friend wanted to know if being on the curvier side was why male models weren’t willing to take her out, despite swiping on her profile.
“I bluntly told her yes,” she said. “I reminded her that even as an overweight woman, she still turns her nose up at overweight men, so how could she expect someone who takes great care of themselves to want to date someone who doesn’t?”
When she said this, she really was coming from a place of the best of intentions, and she tried to break the news kindly.
She’s seen her best friend go through the process of chasing ridiculously attractive men for years with horrible results, and she doesn’t want to continue watching her best friend get her heart broken.
She also felt it was time to stop dancing around the issue and hit it head-on because her subtlety has gotten her nowhere.
“She could get the hot guys when she was a little overweight, but she put on a lot of weight during the last two years and refuses to accept any constructive criticism or believe she can’t get any man she wants,” she continued.
“I told her she needs to be more realistic and stop going for supermodels (and guys with kids, since she doesn’t want to be a stepmom, but still swipes right if the guy is “hot enough”).”
“She also had a blind date recently and the guy never texted her, despite swapping numbers at the end of the date. She showed me his picture and he was incredibly fit.”
“She couldn’t understand why he hadn’t texted her a week after the date. She refused to listen to any possible explanations and insisted on texting him for answers, to which he never responded.”
She did apologize to her best friend for offending her, and she’s seriously concerned she destroyed their relationship over all this.
Here’s what the internet had to say.
“But to be absolutely blunt it is about weight. Beating around the bush and telling people kind lies are not doing them any favors.”
“Ya it’s gonna come off as being an a****** but people need a wake-up call. 100 pounds overweight is very unhealthy and is absolutely going to affect their dating pretty severely.”
“It’s just harsh reality.”
“Feeding them delusions and telling them they don’t need to change is honestly pretty cruel when the same thing will just keep happening over and over but now with a reinforced world view that they don’t have to take accountability for it and change themselves for the better.”
“She’s absolutely trying to get the attention of the potential matches with disingenuous pictures. She’s setting herself up to fail over and over. That’s toxic and unsustainable.”
“The problem isn’t her weight. The problem is that she isn’t being honest about it on the profile. And that the men only realize that she doesn’t look like her pictures when they meet her in person.”
“It’s simply the truth that the majority of physically fit people are less likely to be interested in a person who isn’t into fitness and who is very overweight.”
“Yes, I’m speaking anecdotally, and yes there are of course a few outliers, but I’ve yet to meet a model type or fit person who was attracted to a person who has a drastically different look and lifestyle.”
“It says a lot that your friend is dismissing all the guys that are closer to her own fitness level. If she’s happy to hold out for a model who is interested in dating her, that’s fine, but realistically it could be a long wait, and she’s plainly “fatphobic” herself if that’s her approach.”
“If your friend isn’t interested in your advice then obviously stop giving it now – if you continue then…it’s pointless and becomes rude after a point.”
“I would say that you probably had to be blunt otherwise she would not have gotten the message, and honestly even your bluntness was still kind in my book.”
“It is funny to me that she wants men to love her as she is but she is not looking to date men who are a hundred pounds overweight. You are right that she should either bring down her standards or elevate her status by matching what she wants.”
“If you want a fit attractive person, you definitely should be trying to be a fit attractive person, otherwise you are just being unrealistic on top of being shallow.”
“I also don’t understand the whole fatphobia thing, realistically speaking, most men that she is after are not going to be attracted to a woman who is 100 pounds overweight.”
“She cannot want good-looking fit men but be fat and unfit. It is not fatphobic to point that out. She might have a great personality, but she is being shallow while demanding others not to be.”
You can read the rest of what the internet had to say here.
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