He Told His Girlfriend That Their Friends Don’t Like The Parties She Throws And He’s Asking The Internet If Maybe There Was A Better Way To Say This To Her After She Accused Him Of Ruining Her Night
A 28-year-old man has a girlfriend the same age as him who absolutely adores throwing high-end parties for their circle of friends.
His girlfriend is super into throwing these parties, and while he does like that about his girlfriend, he thinks their friends aren’t “the right guests” for her kind of parties.
“We have a beautiful apt,” he explained. “It’s old with high ceilings and dark wood trim. It’s nice AF compared to what most people our age have.”
“We spend days getting ready. Cooking, cleaning, decor, cocktail list and ingredients, candles. She loves high-effort gathering. I do too… sometimes.”
His girlfriend only puts on these lavish parties and he thinks they should do more casual ones and reserve the lavish parties for maybe once or twice a year.
He personally feels uncomfortable when he goes to someone else’s house for a party and everything is over the top, and he knows their friends feel the same way.
When their friends come over, he thinks he can “feel it in the air” that they are uneasy with how fancy his girlfriend’s parties are.
He has tried to bring this up to his girlfriend before, but she insists that her friends understand that’s just something she enjoys doing and they don’t mind.
The other night, however, when some of their friends came over for the most recent party that his girlfriend threw, one of their guests made a comment that left him without any doubt in his mind that his girlfriend needs to take it easy on the parties.
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“Right away she gets to serving them cocktails from our bar,” he said. “As she’s serving one of the guys, he jokingly says that everything is so nice that it’s making him uncomfortable.”
“My ears perk up at this because I know it’s true. And again, I can just feel it in the air. The burstiness is low. Everyone seems on edge. I believe that people aren’t comfortable.”
When the party was finished, he brought up to his girlfriend the comment that their guest had made, and then he continued to say he’s very worried that everyone is not having fun at their place.
His girlfriend was upset by that and told him that he ruined her whole night. He’s left wondering if there was a better way to break the news to her, but it’s been difficult for him to say it in other ways since she doesn’t want to hear it.
Here’s what the internet had to say.
“Have you lived in a big city your whole life? I live in a small city right now and have to tone down anything fancy for people who have lived here their whole lives. Stuff like mixed drinks and small plate foods make them uncomfortable because they aren’t used to it. They are used to beer and pizza.”
“Everyone feels stifled by the fancier atmosphere because they all think they should be smoking out of corn cobb pipes and using monocles or something.”
“I love to throw gatherings like this. I buy all the liquor and wine my friends like to make sure they feel cared for and special.”
“Is it over the top? Maybe. But it’s how I show my friends I care about them.”
“So I grew up with parents who had a very formal hosting style. As an adult though my friend circle is so casual.”
“Like Hosts wearing pj’s and robes, counters covered in pantry items from making dinner, laundry basket out. I was caught off guard at first and had to learn not to overdress but it was really nice to be so comfy and relaxed – grab what you want, wear what you want, enjoy yourself.”
“Then I decided to have everyone over to my new place for my first hosting attempt and my upbringing and insecurities kicked in.”
“I made it look like a showplace, I had matching real plates, napkins (not paper towels), throw cushions, I was running drinks, extra bread, and whatnot to people.”
“And yeah, my friend group was uncomfortable. They were sweet about it, but they weren’t relaxed and probably wanted to be at the other home we usually hang out at. They were sitting gingerly on my furniture rather than lounging, one guy put a drink down and his wife hissed at him to use a coaster.”
“Someone dropped a glass and even though it didn’t break, someone immediately commented, “dude be careful, she’s not going to want to have us over again.” Basically, I did too much for that set of people.”
“I was so formal that they felt they had to be formal and careful. I try harder now to be easygoing, to be relaxed so others can relax too.”
“…I think people are missing something here. There’s been a lot of comments of, “How could there possibly be uncomfortable?” It’s simple.”
“You’re expected to act and dress a different way at a “fancy” or “sophisticated” party than a relaxed one. And for someone that you’re just getting to know, that can make things awkward.”
“What topics of conversation are okay? Did I dress up enough? I like all different kinds of parties.”
“And I’ve known plenty of people that plan parties they like and don’t really care what the guests think, so long as it’s Pinterest perfect. It seems entirely possible to me that she’s so wrapped in presentation that she doesn’t take the temperature of the room. ”
“My spouse and I are sort of in the same situation as you all. We’re economically better off than most of our peers (27-33 range) and my husband comes from a country where large gatherings with tons of food and drink is a common occurrence.”
“We like to share our good fortune with others but not everyone receives it well. We scaled it down a bit for our friends but we never outright stopped doing it.”
“As far as I’m concerned, anyone’s insecurity/anxiety to being treated well isn’t my burden to bear and neither is it your girlfriend’s.”
“I’m not serving things on a sterling silver tray or anything but I stopped feeling bad about my lifestyle choices.”
“If my friends aren’t feeling up for an evening of being wined and dined, that’s fine. They don’t have to come. We’ll just meet up during the day for a hike or to play some video games, but these steaks are getting grilled whether they come or not.”
“Your girlfriend sounds awesome and I wish I could go to her parties.”
You can read the rest of what the internet had to say here.
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