10 Questions You Need To Ask YOURSELF Before You Start Dating
Getting into a new relationship is a big deal, whether for the first or the 100th time. Even more so if said relationship(s) have been failures.
It is normal to have reservations when dating again after a failed relationship. However, in my time as a relationship coach and someone with plenty of personal experience with failed relationships, there are things you need to figure out for yourself before you dive into a new relationship.
Taking time to reflect on your dating habits and your wants/needs from a relationship will go a long way in increasing the odds that your next relationship will work out better.
With that said, here are 10 questions you need to ask yourself before dating again.
#1: Am I ready to date again?
This one should always be your first question. First, you need to make sure you are at a place in your life where dating is going to be worth it. There are just some parts of our life where dating is more complicated.
If you are moving to a new state, starting a new job, pursuing a goal or dream, or dealing with something personal, it might not be the best time to start dating.
Let your life calm down a little bit before you start dating.
#2: Am I over my ex?
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While relationships with an ex can be complex, if you still have romantic feelings for them, the last thing you want to do is to start dating. Rebounds rarely work long-term, and there is no point hurting someone else if you are still hung up on your ex. Instead, take some time to work on yourself first, then start dating.
#3: Do I know what I’m looking for in a relationship?
Do you want this next relationship to be serious? Are you looking for a FWB? A sneaky link? A husband/wife? Don’t waste your time or your potential partner’s time. Know what you want before you start dating, and make sure they want that before things get too deep.
#4: What are your “must-haves” in a partner?
Similar to knowing what kind of relationship you want, it is equally helpful to know what qualities your potential partner needs to have for you to start dating them. So take some time to write out the qualities, skills, and resources you need your next partner to have.
Examples of qualities you might look for include:
-Confident
-Funny
-Kind
-Motivated
-Disciplined
-Has humility
-Is a hard worker
-Has a car, a home, a specific salary
-Is handy around the house
-Has a specific body type
Explore what you’re looking for in a partner, so your next date is more intentional.
#5: What are your relationship “deal-breakers?”
Just as you should know what you are looking for in a new partner, you should also know what you are not looking for in a new partner.
Write out qualities you will not tolerate in your next partner so that when you start dating, you know what to look for.
#6: What are the red flags from the last relationship to look for moving forward?
Was your last partner abusive? Was your previous partner avoidant? Did your last partner not care about your attachment style or love language? Whatever red flags showed up in your previous relationship, please note them so you can be mindful as you start dating again.
#7: What lessons did I learn from my past relationships?
Were there any lessons on what not to have in a relationship? Did you pick up any healthy relationship skills despite the relationship not working? Whichever it is, please take note of them.
If your relationship lacked any helpful insight, you can either:
-Ask trusted family and friends for their opinions as a starting point
-Look at successful relationships around you and ask for advice on how they maintain a successful and healthy relationship
#8: Are you in a place to trust another person?
Maybe that last relationship damaged your trust. If so, you need to be honest with yourself and make sure you are willing to trust a potential partner before you start dating.
You are setting yourself up for another failed relationship if you don’t.
#9: Am I aware of my red flags?
Trust me – you have red flags. Everyone does. A big red flag is thinking you don’t have any. Take some time to learn about your red flags and work on them before you start dating again.
#10: What am I bringing to the table?
An earlier question focused on expectations you have for your next partner, but what qualities, skills, and resources do you intend to bring into the relationship? Figure that out before you start dating again.
What other questions would you want to ask yourself before you start dating again?
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