The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer, Caiti McGowan.
For many of us, people-pleasing has become a way of life that is really difficult to forget. Perhaps you did all that you could while growing up to keep the peace in your household, and now you still find yourself worrying about others’ feelings in your adult life. If any of these signs sound familiar, it might mean that people-pleasing is something you need to try and unlearn.
You Make Other People’s Feelings Your Priority
Thinking of yourself before others to a fault can be a bad habit for us people pleasers. If you feel like you’re walking on eggshells trying to maintain happiness in a parent, friend, partner, or coworker, it’s important to remember that another person’s happiness is not your responsibility. How they feel is not up to you to keep consistent or to remedy. Many people pleasers forget that the most important person to please is actually ourselves.
You Question Your Every Move
If you seek outside validation before making any decision for yourself, it’s likely that this is a sign of people pleasing. Your fear of making the wrong decision might be based on what other people would think if you did. You might reach out to a parent or a friend on if you should spend your next paycheck on something you’ve been really wanting or ask what they think of you getting a new hairstyle.
What’s important to remember is that the right choice for one person may not necessarily be the right choice for you. Try not to let their opinions on something make your choice for you. Think about what you want for yourself!
You Don’t Know How To Say No
Chronic people-pleasing can result in feeling the need to agree to every invitation your receive, even if you know you’re going to be drained by the end of the week. It’s important to learn and realize that saying no to somebody does not make you a bad person or a bad friend.
If you know in your heart and soul that a night in with your furry friend is going to be a better choice for your mental health than another night at the bar with your friends, don’t be afraid to make that choice as an act of self-care.
You Envy Authentic People
You find yourself looking at other people and feeling a sense of jealousy over how true they are to themselves. You think to yourself: I wish I could be brave enough to live that authentically. This is a clear indicator that you are spending too much of your life worrying about what other people may think if you start to live outside of the box that they see you in. Try breaking outside of that box step by step, and see how being more yourself impacts your quality of life.
It’s time to start thinking of yourself as the most important person in your life and do everything you can to live your life with the goal of making yourself happy.
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