Her Husband Confessed To Her That He Never Found Her Attractive And Settled For Her In Their Marriage
This woman and her friend Anna were recently on the phone and discussing Anna’s struggles with dating.
Anna is gorgeous and can find a relationship with any man she wants.
“She broke up with her boyfriend because she was out of his league, and he knew it,” she said. “He would act in insecure ways.”
“Anna stated that she didn’t want to settle for someone less than the best. She asked me why anyone would settle and brought up my marriage as a positive example of love.”
“I told her my husband had settled for me, and he wasn’t attracted to me, and we still had a happy marriage. Being settled for isn’t the worst thing in the world.”
Even though she wasn’t suggesting to Anna that she settle for someone who she felt wasn’t good enough for her, she had personal experience with feeling not good enough for her husband.
She and her husband, Allan, are high school sweethearts. Throughout middle school and high school, Allan was bullied relentlessly, and part of the reason he was made fun of so much was that he cried very easily, and he still does to this day.
He even cries while watching commercials. When Allan is upset and crying, she consoles him until he is emotionally ready to have a conversation about what’s troubling him.
During their sophomore year, she moved to Allan’s hometown and started attending the same school as him.
ID 165239514 – © Nenitorx – Dreamstime.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
She witnessed him being bullied, and she defended him. From then on, Allan’s social life improved. He started making friends towards the end of his senior year, and he asked her to be his prom date.
That was ten years ago, and while she believes that they have had a good marriage, it hasn’t always been perfect.
“I know that my husband doesn’t find me attractive,” she explained. “I’m naturally taller and more muscular than the average woman.”
“It’s a huge insecurity of mine. A year after we were married, my husband drunkenly confessed that he didn’t find me attractive (he prefers petite women with delicate facial features), but he was grateful for what I did and felt obliged to thank me.”
Apparently, Allan has asked her to the prom in high school, dated her throughout their college years, and then later on proposed to her, all because he felt like he should because of how much she helped him while he was being bullied by other students. During this drunken episode, despite loving her deeply, he didn’t feel physically attracted to her.
The following morning, Allan was hungover and didn’t remember what he’d confessed to her the night before. She didn’t bring up what he told her, so she doesn’t know if he ever ended up remembering.
Now, Allan doesn’t drink much because when he consumes alcohol, he has no filter. On multiple occasions, he’s said things that were too honest that he later regrets.
Once, he was at a dinner for work, and he made a remark about his boss’ combover. His boss chuckled, but when Allan remembered what he’d said the next day, he was mortified.
After she learned that her husband didn’t think she was attractive, she was understandably devastated.
However, their marriage was stable throughout the years. She never felt like many men would be attracted to her, anyway, sadly.
But she confided in Anna about all of this and advised her to live a life that aligns with her beliefs and who she truly is.
She told Anna that if she isn’t happy with someone, the relationship won’t progress. At the end of their conversation, Anna was appreciative of her insight.
“That night, Allan started crying. He was crying silently, but I woke up,” she shared. “I hugged him and asked what was wrong, and he admitted he overheard our conversation.”
“I didn’t expect him to overhear since I was in the basement, but he heard his name and decided to listen in. I apologized for hurting his feelings, but it just made him sob harder.”
As of now, Allan still hasn’t told her what’s wrong and what he’s thinking. While she’s tried a few times to talk, she’s dropped the subject when he starts crying again.
He’s been noticeably depressed for several days, and since he doesn’t seem able to talk yet, she’s waiting until he seems ready to.
At this point, she doesn’t know if Allan is no longer content with their marriage, but she will consider couples therapy if need be.
If he eventually tells her that he wants a divorce or to temporarily separate, she will support those options as well because she cares about her husband’s happiness.
Do you think she was wrong for telling Anna that settling within a relationship is okay?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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