She’s Thinking of Leaving Her Husband Since He Wants His Mom, Who Has Dementia, To Move In With Them
This woman and her husband have been married for eight years, and they are both in their late 20s.
Her husband’s mother, 68, gave birth to him when she was a bit older.
Over the last two years, her husband’s mother has sadly been displaying symptoms of dementia. Not long ago, his mother received an official diagnosis.
Unfortunately, her mother-in-law doesn’t have a lot of money saved up, but she and her husband are financially stable.
“My husband wishes to have his mother move in with us, and I am against it. While harsh, I did not sign up to share a home with either of our parents,” she said.
“I have no desire to become a caregiver, and I want to have children someday. Raising a child while living with someone with dementia sounds terrible.”
While she deeply cares about her husband and has a lot of love for him, she can already predict the possible future outcomes of this situation.
She believes that if they decided to put her mother-in-law in a nursing home, her husband would spend most of his time with his mother, and he would neglect their marriage.
“I know this makes me sound petty and jealous, but I cannot keep up with his mother. His focus will be on her, and rightfully so,” she explained.
kues1 – stock.adobe.com- illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
Throughout the last year, she has done research and joined several support groups. She did her best to read online forums about dementia so that she could educate herself and read firsthand experiences of couples in marriages where one of their parents has dementia. Unfortunately, most of the marriages she read about ended in divorce.
When she discussed her thoughts on potentially divorcing her husband with her parents, they thought she was being difficult, and they pointed out that she married him with the intention of being together for better or worse.
On the other hand, her friends empathize with her situation. But when she broached the topic with her husband, he was heartbroken and begged her to stay with him.
He assured her that their situation wouldn’t be the same as anyone else’s, but she still couldn’t envision an outcome where she and her husband stayed together through all of this.
“I do not want to put my life on hold. She is healthy outside of dementia. She has no other health issues, which means she can easily live another 20 years. My husband will never put her in a nursing home, and if he did, it would be private pay, so that is a major financial commitment,” she shared.
Now, she feels extremely conflicted. While she is still in love with her husband, and she acknowledges his genuine love for her, she is aware that he cares for his mother and wants to help her as much as he can.
While she knows her husband will attempt to love both her and his mother the same amount, she doesn’t understand how that would be possible for him.
She also talked to her brother about this predicament, and her brother was saddened by the way she was handling the situation.
He asked her if she would act the same way if this was happening to their parents. When she thought about it, she didn’t think she’d feel any differently.
In her mind, we all have only one chance to live the lives we want, and there are no do-overs.
Even though she is still leaning towards divorcing her husband, the way her family and her husband have reacted has caused her to wonder if she’d be making the right choice.
What would you do if you were in her shoes?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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