Ever Wonder Why You Keep Falling For Toxic Partners? There May Actually Be A Biochemical Reason At Play

eduard - stock.adobe.com-  illustrative purposes only, not the actual people
eduard - stock.adobe.com- illustrative purposes only, not the actual people

The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer.

Have you ever wondered why you or your friends have a habit of falling for or staying with toxic people?

Once you’ve noticed that you’ve fallen into a habit of dating people who mistreat you just as much or more than they make you feel special, it can be pretty scary. But don’t worry; it’s not entirely your fault for going in circles with lousy people. We can actually become addicted to these relationships. It’s like a biochemical reaction that occurs.

When we date toxic people, there are a lot of highs and lows. One day, they’re telling you that you’re the only person for them, giving you tons of attention, and then the next, they’re dodging your text and acting cold.

Even though living through this sounds like a completely miserable experience, many of us can get addicted to it, and when someone pulls away, we only want them more. Because, after all, if someone treats you really well for a while and then starts rejecting you, you will want to chase them to get them back.

Our positive experiences with a toxic person fuel us with dopamine, the neurotransmitter that’s part of the reward system in our brains. The wonderful dates and intimacy we get with a toxic person make us release dopamine.

But the interesting thing about dopamine is that it flows more steadily when we have intermittent pleasure or reward versus something more consistent. So when the lows of a toxic person come out, and we’re being ignored or mistreated, our brains long for the good times with that person again.

It’s wild to think about, but over time, consistently being treated well by a nice guy won’t necessarily give us the same dopamine rush as a toxic guy who’s on and off with us.

So many other hormonal and chemical reactions happen in our bodies that make being with bad people somehow more desirable. It’s not all about mental or emotional strength; some people’s brains are just genuinely addicted to the bad guys.

eduard – stock.adobe.com- illustrative purposes only, not the actual people

To make matters worse, simply trying to break up with a toxic person isn’t always successful, as whether you realize it or not, you still may be left wanting them even more. Not only should you break up with this person, but you should also seek other ways to get that dopamine release and invest your time in things that will bring you healthier rewards.

Start looking into a new workout you really love, spend quality time with friends who make you laugh, discover some new music that makes you happy, and explore new hobbies. You want to substitute all of the unhealthy behavior with healthier behavior and activities.

If you try to cut that person out of your life with no system to get you feeling better, acting more independent, and spending time with people who are good to you, there’s a big chance you’ll go right back to them.

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