She Decided To Cut Men Out Of Her Life For A Year, And Finally Let Go Of Her Anxious Attachment Style

Emily Chan |

Nov 19, 2023

Syda Productions - stock.adobe.com - illustrative purposes only, not the actual person

Many people tend to cope with their fear of being alone by jumping into relationships, but this practice can negatively impact their mental health and bring toxicity and trauma into their lives. One of the best things you can do for your fear of loneliness is to stay single for a while and reflect on yourself and your values.

TikToker @livithegingy took a personal vow of celibacy and made the decision to cut men out of her life about a year ago. Now, she’s talking about how that journey has been and where her head is at a year later.

When she resolved to cut men out of her life entirely, she deleted all dating apps from her phone and declined any men who approached her, whether through social media or in person. The only men she talked to during her celibacy journey were male friends and family members.

“At first, it was very difficult,” she said. “I’ve always been the kind of person that bounces from talking stage to talking stage. So, the most pertinent thing I experienced was loneliness because it was weird not having someone to talk to all the time.”

After about two weeks, she grew accustomed to it. By the end of two months, she loved it. Without men in her life, she felt unbothered and at peace.

“I had no one stressing me. I had no one asking me why I was going out to the club, what I’m wearing. I had no one arguing with me. I didn’t have to uphold my standards to anyone,” she said.

However, she knew she couldn’t just hide from men for the rest of her life, so she decided to put herself back out there while maintaining her boundaries of not wanting to get physical with anyone until they were in an official relationship.

But two months turned into four, which turned into six, and eventually, she reached the twelve-month mark of not being physical with a guy. She also touched on the fact that she used to have an anxious attachment style.

“If I felt energy was off in a man I was speaking to, I would go insane,” she explained. “Not the kind of insane where I’ll go key his car or something, but the kind of insane where I will cry myself to sleep.”

Syda Productions – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person

She went on to describe the anxiety as “mental torture” that she didn’t know how to put a stop to. Additionally, she did not have any specific standards, which led her to associate with guys who were toxic.

After spending more time with herself and focusing on her well-being and goals, she began to set some standards in place. When her standards were solidified, she realized her self-worth, which caused her to let go of her anxious attachment style.

Although she became more confident and secure with herself, this did not mean she never messed up. Even after her transformation, there were some instances when she talked to guys who weren’t good for her. However, it was significantly easier to cut them off.

Dealing with rejection also became less excruciating. In the past, she often felt extremely ashamed and embarrassed whenever she was faced with rejection. But now, she no longer internalizes it or takes it to heart.

“I feel a lot more mentally healthy than I have in a long time, especially pertaining to relationships. And I’m a lot happier just being alone all the time,” she said.

Currently, she’s living in a new country all by herself, yet she doesn’t really feel lonely. At this point, her desire for a relationship is almost non-existent. For now, her attitude regarding relationships is if it happens, it happens. And if it doesn’t, that’s okay, too.