Her Boyfriend Hasn’t Proposed To Her Yet, But Wants Her To Wear The Engagement Ring He Bought As A Promise Ring
Let’s quickly break down the difference between an engagement ring and a promise ring before we jump into this mess.
An engagement ring comes attached to a proposal, and it means the person who gave you the ring has every intention of marrying you in the near future.
A promise ring is simply a symbol of fidelity and means the person who gave it to you wants to commit to you in some way. There are some who believe promise rings are for kids, and engagement rings are for adults.
This 38-year-old woman’s 37-year-old boyfriend really upset her recently when he mentioned that he wants her to wear the engagement ring he bought her as a promise ring.
They’ve been dating for over four years and they moved in together more than three years ago. In March of 2023, she addressed getting married, but her boyfriend stated that he was not “ready” for that.
Every few months, she would rehash the marriage conversation, hoping he would change his mind, as she needed him to give her some kind of sign their relationship could progress in that direction.
However, he kept insisting that he was not ready. He also would drag up fights they had as proof that they should wait to tie the knot.
“This year on Jan. 1 I asked if he could give me a time frame of when he may propose,” she explained. “He said 6 months.”
“6 months go by and he hasn’t even begun ring shopping. Mind you, during this time, I’d offered a few times for us to go ring shopping. His new excuse is that he doesn’t want me picking it out, he wants to do it.”
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This past July, she was able to drag her boyfriend into a jeweler to go ring shopping. Unfortunately, they found out that ordering a ring would take much more time than her boyfriend previously considered.
At the end of that month, they had an important event to attend, and since the ring wouldn’t be ready for it, he made sure she knew that so she wouldn’t anticipate a proposal.
He then promised to propose to her within a couple of weeks after the event. She then brought up the concept of a “placeholder” ring in the meantime, which her boyfriend shot down.
“And I’ve been very clear that the jewelry is not why I want to get engaged, and that I’ll buy my own ring to prove I really don’t care about the ring itself,” she said.
“August ticks by with crickets. Sometime in Oct. he let me know that he bought a center stone (lab diamond) but wasn’t sure if I would like it. He went big, too big, and he was right that I didn’t like it.”
“So weeks later we went back to the jewelry store to find the right size. It would take several weeks after that (and our last few big events for the year besides Xmas) for it to be ready.”
Speaking of Christmas, this year they’re spending it with her dad, and her boyfriend asked her dad for permission to propose two months ago, so that’s not the reason for the hangup either.
She knows he picked up the ring last week, as she can see his location through his phone. In the last few days, they’ve gotten into a few fights that have made them feel like they are hardly in a good spot and that they have many things to work on together.
Which is fine by her, as she can wait for a proposal, she just wants to know that there will be one to look forward to.
Earlier today, her boyfriend spotted a very eye-catching ring she purchased for herself, and she’s not planning on wearing it on her ring finger.
But when he saw it, he said she could wear the engagement ring he bought her as a promise ring. No, he has not proposed, but he said if people ask her about the ring, she can say it’s a promise ring since they haven’t gotten engaged.
She thought that was the most ridiculous thing ever. He already has the ring in his possession, so he should just propose already instead of placating her with it by saying it can downgrade to a promise ring.
Also, let’s just talk about how wearing your engagement ring prior to a proposal ruins how special that ring is supposed to be.
“And any time I say I just want a formal commitment, he counters with, “I am committed, I’m here with you, living with you, telling I love you every day.” And gets mad at me that I am suggesting that he isn’t committed,” she said.
“I just told him I don’t want a proposal or ring anymore. I just want our life together. It’s probably better in the long run anyway, because I own the house and have more money than he does, and I’ve been married before so I don’t feel like I need another wedding.”
“Maybe this is me trying reverse psychology because I know it’s something he still wants. I don’t know. I’m just hurt and [angry.]”
What advice do you have for her?
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