Her Husband Hit Her With An Ultimatum: She Can Stop Teaching Yoga, Or He’s Divorcing Her
This 34-year-old woman got married to her 36-year-old husband a year and a half ago, and he truly is the most amazing man.
When she met her husband, she had recently exited a long-term relationship, and although she and her husband started off as friends within the first couple of months of knowing one another, it didn’t take long for them to realize there was more to it than that.
They fell in love fast, and three months into dating, they purchased a house together. Nine months in, her husband proposed. They had a gorgeous destination wedding located in Greece, and they have been together for more than three years so far.
“It’s important to know we are in [a] multicultural marriage; my husband is Hindu Punjabi (emigrated from India over a decade ago), and I’m a white American – Greece was equidistant travel for both of our families, who get along famously and have really embraced our blending of cultures,” she explained.
“We have a lot of family support on both sides. When we got married, we were on the same page about what we expected from each other and what we wanted. Our red lines were physical violence and cheating – we agreed everything else was figure-out-able.”
“One of those things we agreed on was fitness – early in our relationship, we worked out together constantly, went on runs, etc., and we talked often about our mutual desire to continue to cultivate a long, healthy life together.”
She happened to be a fitness instructor back in college and had a desire to get back into it, so when her husband began working late night hours at his job, she enrolled in a program for yoga teacher training.
When she completed it, she landed a job at a super competitive studio, and she was elated. But then her husband grew so stressed out with his career that he began to slip into a depression.
He went from being a supportive and wonderful partner to demanding that she should play a role more like that of a stay-at-home wife.
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On top of yoga, she has a regular 9-5 job and is the breadwinner in their home. Having her husband turn around and expect her to cook dinner every single night and do all of the household chores was extremely upsetting to her.
It’s worth adding that her husband was raised in a toxicly traditional household, and his dad was cruel to his mom. Her husband has confided in her that having to see that impacted him as a kid. Her husband’s two sisters are more modern than traditional, which her in-laws have been accepting of.
As for her, she grew up with a mom and dad who equally shared household duties and expectations and are still best friends to this day.
So now that you have that background information, you can understand her shock at her husband’s shift regarding their household roles.
Things got worse from there until she was diagnosed with an aggressive pre-cancer, and her husband magically snapped back to reality when faced with the potential that he could lose her.
In June of last year, she was told her life was no longer at stake, and that drove her husband right into a depression all over again. He did tell her that he believed her yoga side hustle was making her less available to him, though she was doing everything in her power to juggle what was on her plate.
“At this point, I’d fallen in love with teaching yoga. My classes started waitlisting; helping my students gave me passion and purpose, and I’d finally found [a] real community, which was such a bright spot when there was no effort being put into our partnership at home,” she said.
“Our fights began to escalate, and I found myself on the receiving end of low blows, name-calling, and verbal abuse. I tried so hard to meet him where he was and stay neutral/non-reactive, but you can only be called a [a name] so many times without losing it on occasion.”
Last November, her husband landed a promotion at work and went back to a normal schedule, so she moved around her yoga classes in order to be home when he was done with work.
It’s been difficult for her to watch as the husbands of her yoga teacher friends happily support them and their work, yet her husband has moved into hating what she does and feeling as if it’s taking from their marriage.
On Monday evening, one of her yoga friends came to her house to do some work with her. She made dinner for them and her husband, and when her friend left, her husband snapped at her to get away from him.
He went the next 48 hours without saying a word to her. Finally, yesterday night, he gave her an ultimatum.
“…He came to me and said – ‘It’s yoga or it’s me. You have until Sunday to quit your teaching job, or I’m leaving our marriage,’ and I’m just gutted,” she continued.
“I’ve tried to offer a compromise and even offered to take a short leave of absence from teaching, but he refuses to speak to me until I ‘make my decision’ on Sunday, and apparently, it’s all or nothing.”
“Movement has saved my mental health. I’ve found so much purpose through teaching – having a student approach me to tell me they sleep better on nights they’d taken one of my classes, or they feel more relaxed or inspired in any way just absolutely lights me up. I finally feel seen standing up there, and I’ve somehow gotten good at it. I love being of service to other people.”
Yoga has helped her to no longer need therapy, which she quit back in 2023, but she did reach out to the psychologist she used to see to talk to her about what’s going on with her husband.
Her therapist reassured her that she should not play into the ultimatum and agree to stop teaching yoga simply because her husband has made a serious threat. Her therapist recommended that she tell her husband she’s not going to quit and just wait to see what happens.
She loves her husband and does not want to wreck their marriage. She has confided in her mom and dad about everything, and they’re doing their best to be there for her amid this mess.
“I quietly reached out to his sister, who reassured me that we are family and they’d knock some sense into him, but am I missing something here?” she wondered.
“The ultimatum seems like it’s about something so much deeper than my yoga job, but it’s ripping me apart that the person I love wants me to quit something I’ve become so passionate about. Not sure what my next move is, but I’d love to hear any takes from fellow internet stranger-friends.”
What advice do you have for her?
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