Her Boyfriend Called His Ex Prettier Than Her, And She Feels Embarrassed
For half a year now, this 33-year-old woman has been dating her 32-year-old boyfriend. She can honestly say that this is the most satisfying romantic partnership she’s ever experienced.
Her boyfriend is kind to her, they have excellent communication skills, and she feels happy and peaceful in a way she’s never felt prior to him entering her life.
“He’s had two previous relationships. The last one ended three years ago, and it hit him hard. He struggled to move on,” she explained.
“When we started dating, he told me he fell for me hard — that he was head over heels. Despite how good things have been, I’ve had an issue with how he compliments my looks.”
“He tends to say things like: I’m not statistically beautiful, but I have a unique look — and that uniqueness makes me more attractive to certain people on a deeper level. He adds that it’s better to have a distinctive appearance than to be conventionally pretty.”
That certainly seems more insulting than uplifting, right? And she feels the same way; that his compliments hurt, and they don’t come across as sweet.
She has attempted to tell her boyfriend that his compliments make her feel terrible, but he gets defensive and drags his own looks into it.
So, despite her making it clear to her boyfriend that she doesn’t appreciate his remarks, he keeps on dishing them out.
Making this all trickier, she’s suffered from body dysmorphia her entire life, as she was compared nonstop to her drop-dead gorgeous sister.
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“Relatives and family friends openly commented on how I wasn’t as blessed in the looks department,” she added.
“That damaged my self-esteem, leading to years of intrusive thoughts and three cosmetic procedures in an attempt to improve my appearance.”
Yesterday evening, she felt bad about her appearance, and her boyfriend was quick to dish out one of those compliments of his.
That made her think back to a time when her boyfriend had admitted that his ex-girlfriend was attractive in a conventional sense.
She decided to drag that all up in an effort to underscore how hurtful his words were to her. Instead of her boyfriend listening to her, they got into a big fight.
“…Then he said something I can’t unhear: “Yes, my ex-girlfriend was more beautiful. So what?” I completely shut down. I couldn’t even look at him afterward,” she said.
“The thing is — I’ve seen pictures of her. She is very pretty. But as silly as it sounds, I wanted him to see me as the most beautiful woman to him. After a lifetime of being told I wasn’t beautiful, especially in comparison to my sister, I just needed that sense of validation from someone I love.”
“Now I feel humiliated. I don’t know how to move forward from this. I don’t want to throw away a relationship that’s been otherwise wonderful, but this comment cut deeper than I can explain.”
She feels deeply embarrassed, and she’s not seeing how she can move on here and get over all this.
What advice do you have for her, and would you dump your partner if they confessed that their ex was more attractive than you?
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