His Wife Has A Secret Son, And Now He’s Considering Divorcing Her
This 33-year-old man and his 29-year-old wife got married two years ago following two years of dating. His wife is from an ultra-conservative country located in South Asia, so he’s always known her childhood was complex.
His wife hardly speaks about her life back home, maintains her bond with her family is not good, and insists she moved to America for a new beginning.
He never pushed his wife to tell him more, as he thought she would feel comfortable doing so on a long enough timeline.
“We met through work, clicked quickly, and moved in together within a year. We’ve talked a lot about starting a family. She’s always said she wanted kids someday, just not ‘right now.’ I respected that,” he explained.
“Two weeks ago, I noticed her acting strange after checking her email late at night. She got emotional and brushed it off as ‘bad news from home.’ I gave her space.”
“A few days later, while looking for a charger in her desk drawer, I found a folder with documents written in both English and another language. Curiosity (and concern) got the better of me. There were wire transfers, school enrollment papers, and medical records — all for a little boy I’d never heard of. Five years old. Listed with her last name.”
He went right to his wife with the evidence, and she confessed to him that she has a son whom she’s been keeping a secret.
She gave birth to her son five years ago before she moved to America. Her son’s dad is not involved. His wife’s family pushed her to give her son up so she would not be destroyed financially or socially. As soon as his wife received her visa, she left home and gave her son to one of her cousins.
Since then, his wife has kept in contact with her son and sent money back home to care for him, yet she has not flown back there to see him.
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“She said she didn’t tell me because she was afraid I’d see her as ‘damaged’, or irresponsible, or ‘unfit to be a wife’ (her words, not mine; he doesn’t seem to understand that that’s not how we view women over here),” he added.
“She didn’t want to lose the life she’d built here. I was in complete shock. I told her it’s not the fact that she has a son that hurts me. It’s that she built a life with me on a lie. We talked about raising kids together, and the whole time she was pretending to be someone she’s not.”
His wife is pleading with him to keep her secret and not share it with any friends or family members. His wife is worried that if everyone in her home country finds out about her son, it will destroy the reputation she’s worked so hard to create.
He requested space from his wife so he can work through all of his emotions, however, he’s concerned that he will never be able to trust her after this incident.
His wife is accusing him of not treating her in a fair way, and she’s defending her actions by saying she was attempting to survive, and he can’t comprehend the shame she was looking at.
“But from my perspective, this wasn’t a little omission. This was an entire child and four years of silence,” he continued.
“[Am I the jerk] for telling her I feel completely betrayed and unsure if I can stay in this marriage?”
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