His Wife Gave Him An Ultimatum And Is Forcing Him To Pick Between His Female Coworker Or Her
This 39-year-old man’s 35-year-old wife is convinced he’s cheating on her with his female coworker, even though he promises that couldn’t be further from the truth.
He and his coworker work for a tiny company where they happen to be the sole employees, so they have become friendly.
His coworker is currently separating from her husband, and he’s attempted to be supportive of her and her children without breaking boundaries.
For instance, one day after his coworker’s husband left her, he took his coworker and her children out to breakfast at their local farmer’s market.
A week ago, a big windstorm hit their area and knocked down several trees on his coworker’s property, so he and his wife helped her pick up the mess.
His wife hated helping his coworker, but he asked her to come with him and do something kind for his coworker, so she agreed.
“I was raised by a single mother when my dad left, so I understand the dynamics of a single mom trying her best to keep things together more so than my wife, who was raised in a very conservative household where both parents are still together,” he explained.
“My wife doesn’t like [my] coworker at all, and thinks she and I are too friendly and close. Coworker and I are close (platonically) as we are very, very, similar in our likes, tastes, world view, etc.,” he added.
“Two nights ago, my wife gave me an ultimatum: either pick your job and your coworker or pick me. You don’t get to have both. My wife is hurting and jealous because she sees the friendship and the connection I have with my coworker, and she doesn’t have anyone in her life like that.”
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He’s been with his wife for over a decade, and never once have they tried to tell the other person they cannot be friends with someone.
He can recognize that, for whatever reason, his wife is feeling threatened, which explains the whole ultimatum thing.
So while he understands, he still isn’t sure what to do. His job pays him quite well, and he loves it. He also has flexibility over his work schedule, which is important to him.
He’s not interested in walking away from such a wonderful job, but his wife is making him choose.
“I don’t want to leave the work, and the lifestyle it’s given us, but I also don’t want to end my marriage over it. I did tell my wife that I would likely have a level of resentment towards her for the rest of our marriage because she’s making me choose,” he continued.
“She also said she understands that even if I choose her that our marriage may not survive; she’s not wrong. I don’t know where to turn. We’ve been through marriage counseling twice.”
“She is in individual counseling, trying to understand and work on herself so she can address issues she has had in our marriage and with me. I’m no saint by any means, but I’ve been faithful and good to her. But I also won’t live like this, and constantly feeling like my every move is now being scrutinized, or I’m going to constantly be doubted and not trustworthy.”
What advice do you have for him?
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