She’s Jealous Of Her Ex-Husband’s New Girlfriend
It’s unquestionably normal to go through your life and feel jealous of someone at one point or another, especially when it comes to relationships. Jealousy is complicated, and it usually means there’s more going on than meets the eye.
This 41-year-old woman and her 42-year-old ex-husband got divorced when their son was seven, and now she finds herself jealous of her ex’s new girlfriend.
She initially was attracted to her ex-husband over his love of British bands, his vintage guitar collection, and his stylish way of dressing.
Looking back, she says they made a terrible married couple, and the reasons she was attracted to her ex were also the reasons their marriage died, since there wasn’t enough substance to what drew her to him.
They got into blowout fights, called one another ugly names, and she says he truly brought out the worst in her in a way she hasn’t experienced before or after their relationship.
When they got divorced, their intention was never to remain friends or stay on good terms; they simply wanted to co-parent effectively. Yet, here they are, close to nine years after their divorce, and they’re surprisingly good friends.
“Like, we choose to hang out sometimes, not only when it involves our son, and we get along better than ever. It’s worked out way better than I ever expected,” she explained.
“My ex has started seeing someone new. They’ve been together for a little while now, but it’s started to get more serious lately. I’ve met her, but don’t know her well.”
“My son is around her a lot more than I am, and he likes her a lot. I hate that this bothers me. Like, I’m genuinely embarrassed by how irritated I felt hearing him say how nice she is, how fun she is, how she makes his dad happy. I plastered on a smile and said all the right things, but inside I was surprised by how jealous I felt.”
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Her ex’s new girlfriend hates that she shares a close bond with her ex, and it really gets under this woman’s skin that they enjoy hanging out, so her ex has stopped doing that as much.
While her ex has not said anything to her about his girlfriend’s feelings, she noticed he’s doing his best to please his girlfriend and not rock the boat. It hurts her that he’s doing this and prioritizing his girlfriend over her.
Now, a few months back, she and her ex organized a trip to celebrate their son’s 16th birthday, and it was intended to be just them.
This was supposed to be a family event to mark a major milestone, and the trip features something her son adores and that she and her ex appreciate as well.
However, her ex’s girlfriend is crashing the party and tagging along too, even though she isn’t into the activity they will be participating in.
Her son was the one who told her that they had a fourth wheel, and it made her feel even more sad that her ex wasn’t the one to break the news to her first.
“I haven’t confronted him about it yet because I don’t know how to bring it up without sounding jealous or possessive,” she added.
“But I’m honestly upset. It feels like a sacred little space that used to belong to the three of us is slowly being taken over. And I feel helpless to stop it without looking like the ‘crazy ex-wife who can’t let go.'”
“I didn’t expect to feel this jealous, and I really don’t want to come off as the ‘crazy ex.’ But honestly, it feels like I’m losing way more than just a friendship here. I’ve worked really hard to be mature, supportive, and emotionally steady in this co-parenting journey.”
She’s left wondering how she can deal with her jealousy without ruining the relationship she has with her ex. She’s also curious if she should set some boundaries, and if that’s even possible without making everything messier.
What advice do you have for her?
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