Do you think that a man’s moral responsibility begins and ends with his own child, no matter how much his baby mama might try to blur the lines?
This 29-year-old man shares a 10-year-old son with his 29-year-old ex-girlfriend. They split up back when she was pregnant with his son, because he wasn’t sure whether he was the father or if another man was.
He did get a DNA test, proving his son is indeed his, and he’s been super involved in his life despite no longer being with his son’s mom. He and his ex share legal and physical custody of his son, but things are not easy on the coparenting side.
His ex gave birth to four more kids and is now pregnant with another child. None of his ex’s kids are from the same man, and he’s the only dad who is involved in any way.
“She gets no help with the other children at all, and for years she has been asking me to pick up the slack. When she had her second, I refused, and I told her she needed to find someone else to play the role of a surrogate dad to her other child,” he explained.
“But she made the same choices each time and has learned nothing. It has made her unstable, and my son hates living with his mom.”
“They don’t have a lot, and there’s always tension and other issues going on at her house, but the courts do not want to change the custody schedule. My ex has even told our son it’s my fault her house is the way it is, and my son saw a therapist who attested to this in court. It wasn’t enough.”
Until his son hits 16, the custody arrangement will not change. While he’s tried to be nice to his ex while declining to help her with her other kids, it’s getting harder for him, as his ex keeps on having kids and begging him to pitch in.
He knows if he caves, he will only grow resentful. He doesn’t even know how many kids his ex will keep on having, as she’s showing no signs of slowing down now.
His ex asking him to be a dad to her kids and financially supporting him is way too much in his opinion.
“For those wondering what exactly has been asked of me: To include all the kids in outings and I pay, to buy Birthday/Christmas gifts for all the kids and make sure they all have the same, to buy clothes and school supplies for the other kids, to spend time with the other kids, to pay more child support so that it can be used on all of the children,” he continued.
“I’m here because I know none of this is good for my son, but my hands are tied. He is who I care about most of all. He is my responsibility. Not his half-siblings or his mom. And I don’t even know if I can do more than I have.”
He definitely needs to get a better lawyer to help him fight for full custody of his son. His ex is an unfit parent, so I don’t get why it’s been so hard for him to convince the court to side with him.
He should not back down on trying to get his son away from his ex, nor should he let his ex manipulate him into playing dad to all of her kids. He needs to be firm and keep on telling her that he is not going to help her, no matter what.
What advice do you have for him?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
