If your spouse cheated on you, then admitted they were no longer attracted to you and doubted they could get that back, would you wait around and want to try to fix your marriage, or would you be done?
It was back in April of last year that this woman caught her husband kissing his distant cousin in their house, while this woman and her own husband were staying with them.
She actually has a camera in her home, which is how she found out about the kiss in the first place, but she didn’t instantly confront them.
Instead, she gave it a bit of time to see if her husband or his distant cousin would confess. Ultimately, she did have to confront them both after they did not come forward.
Her husband or his distant cousin first lied and said they didn’t do anything, before claiming it was simply a drunken kiss shared between family friends.
They all decided to put it behind them. She and her husband began couples therapy, and she additionally went to individual therapy.
She knows now that she was all too happy to sweep the kiss under the rug. She shoved her feelings down so deep that she convinced herself that she was totally fine for a bit of time.
“I encouraged my husband to start individual therapy as well because he had been struggling with BAD depression and ADHD for the last 2 years. However, I’ve since [learned] that he apparently never told his therapist about the kiss or the affair at all,” she explained.
“Instead, therapy focused on his childhood, stress, and his own mental health. During our early couples counseling, he continued to present it as only a drunken kiss. I didn’t discover the full extent of the affair until January 2026.”
“Because I believed it had only been a drunken kiss, we carried on with life. We even went on holiday together with the [affair partner] and her husband. Later, when they needed somewhere to stay after their lease ended, they stayed with my parents.”
So what happened in January? Well, she had a bad feeling and uncovered messages between her husband and his distant cousin, proving the affair had gone further than she had thought.
The messages made it clear that her husband and his distant cousin were having a serious emotional affair, along with kissing and other physical contact, though her husband swears he never actually slept with her.
When the messages came to light, her husband was struggling with his mental health and was in such a dark place that she backed off and didn’t really do anything about it.
Then, in April of this year, after her husband made a promise to her to never speak to his distant cousin again, she learned that they were still talking to one another.
She called her husband out and questioned him about whether he wanted to get a divorce. She then left the house for half an hour, but when she came back, her husband revealed he was having really bad thoughts.
Ever since then, she has been struggling with protecting herself or her husband’s fragile mental health. And while they have been reconciling, she’s felt that her husband is not really committed.
Not long after the incident in April, her husband mentioned that he was no longer interested in couples therapy, so they quit going. She did ask her husband to read two books on infidelity, but he never read them all the way through.
Another thing that has really bothered her is that while her husband pledged to give her complete transparency and said she could look at his phone anytime she pleased, when she asks him, he rolls his eyes and acts offended before quickly snatching it back.
It makes her feel incredibly guilty to even ask to see her husband’s phone since he’s so weird about it.
“The AP wasn’t just someone my husband knew. I genuinely considered her a close friend. In 2024, when I first felt something was “off” in my marriage, she was ironically the only person I confided in,” she added.
“She knew about my concerns while the affair was already happening. She and her husband stayed in our home, we spent time together socially, she organized our wedding dance, and I’ve since discovered she secretly helped my husband organize thoughtful things for me behind the scenes. Looking back, I feel like I lost both a husband and a friend.”
“I’m trying to work on myself. I’ve started exercising regularly, individual therapy, rebuilding my identity and trying to create a life outside the marriage. I’ve given myself until December before making any decisions because I don’t want to decide from a place of fear.”
She does feel more and more disconnected from her husband, and he has informed her that he doesn’t feel attracted to her and doubts he ever will again. That has made her self-esteem plummet.
Her husband frequently shuts down, and so now she feels like, aside from the fact that he cheated on her, she doesn’t believe he is meeting her needs emotionally.
She feels undesirable and as if they’re living separate yet parallel lives. So, here she is, wondering if her marriage can survive while also wondering if she should contact her husband’s affair partner.
Remember, this woman was one of her dearest friends, and she just can’t understand how she listened to her discuss her marriage while having a full-blown affair with her husband behind her back.
She’s left wondering if speaking to her will reopen her wounds or help her truly heal.
Wow, their marriage is so done, and she needs to wake up and realize that. Also, no, she absolutely should not reach out to her husband’s affair partner because that will not give her closure.
It’s bad enough that her husband cheated on her, but after he said he doesn’t feel any attraction to her, that should have been her sign to call it quits.
The good news is it’s not too late to file for divorce, and she needs to make that her top priority.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
