If your spouse asked for a separation and was already dating someone else at work, would you still hope that they would come back to you?
Three weeks ago, this man came home from work, and everything was pretty normal. He went to hug his wife, and then she sprung it on him that they had to have a serious chat.
From there, his wife revealed that she’s miserable being married to him and feels like she doesn’t have her own life. She said that he’s done some things to make her feel like she’s unsure of him.
Two days before that, she went out with one of her new work friends and was really cold when she returned. He just figured she was exhausted, though.
He and his wife have encountered highs and lows in their time spent together, and she has not been open to being affectionate with him for quite a long time. He can’t even get her to give him a kiss.
Anyway, his wife has been extremely awkward, and he could hear her laughing on the phone with one of her friends at work. Finally, he said to her that he didn’t want to be around her, so he went out until after their kids had gone to bed.
When he left, he texted his wife that she was free to hang out with her new friend. He knows that was petty in hindsight. His wife’s mom and dad actually stepped in to try to help them fix their marriage, as they didn’t want to see them break up.
His wife did say she was willing to work it all out with him, but one week later, they went out to do some grocery shopping, and she walked off to take work calls.
That caused him to ask his wife if the changes he had made in the last two weeks had inspired her to make a decision on whether she wanted to stay married to him.
He had already been largely doing all of the childcare, chores, and cooking, but he took on even more of that to make his wife happy.
“Then, with complete emotional indifference, she said that one of her subordinates from work had expressed feelings towards her, and she had reciprocated, saying that nothing could happen, only as she was still legally married,” he explained.
“And framed that as all perfectly fine as she had been honest, not accepting that she hadn’t told me the truth, I had just caught her red-handed. This hit me like a gunshot to the chest as I thought we were working through things.”
“She has said that I drove her into this, and nothing had happened other than talking yet, but enough little coincidences have been brought to light since then that I believe she has been with him longer than that, and is simply trying to use me ‘hurting her’ as an excuse to get out of marriage guilt-free and to justify to everyone why she has left and thats why its all above board that she is with another guy.”
His wife asked for a separation and refused to let him say anything to her family members about her coworker, even though they’ve been invested in helping them work it all out. He did tell his in-laws anyway.
His wife has been texting and calling this coworker in front of him. He’s convinced his wife is already seeing this man, and she’s just lying about it.
She’s evidently done with their marriage, and it’s like she is stringing him along and hoping he will just be the first one to move ahead with the divorce.
“Mentally, it’s putting me through the wringer, and despite telling me personally repeatedly it’s done, and I am nothing to her, she keeps telling her family that she will try to work on things, which she isn’t, and I’m left now doing all the work for the kids and house while she just checks out whenever she’s home,” he continued.
He’s afraid his wife is trying to make everything his fault and forcing him to be the one to leave her. He’s left wondering what to do.
He needs to just file for divorce and tell everyone that his wife is in love with her coworker. She made this mess, and he shouldn’t try to save her reputation with their family.
Dragging this out makes no sense because she’s just playing a calculated game. His wife is not going to magically come back to him.
What advice do you have for him?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
